B'Sha'ah Tova

Grandma's Gone Wild!

2006-01-27T07:27:00.000-06:00

Avraham Yosef

2006-01-23T22:01:00.000-06:00

Today was my son's bris, and he fared much better than I. He cries more when I try to nurse him- and he sucked on the wine-soaked gauze for 15 minutes after the cut.

My son's name is Avraham Yosef. He is named for his two great-grandfathers, who both passed away while I was pregnant. My blessing for my son is that he may demonstrate hachnasat orchim as Avraham Avinu did, and may he always experience the love of his parents as Yoseph did. May he be a peacekeeper like Avraham Avinu and like Yoseph, may he never forget his heritage. May he have my father's father's longevity and capacity for personal growth even late in life, and my mother's father's passion for life and love of yiddishkeit. And may he grow to acquire Torah, Chuppah and a life of Ma'asim Tovim.

T-minus 3 hours

2006-01-23T05:11:00.000-06:00

AnonAbba is soothing AnonyBoy back to sleep after our 4:00 a.m. nursing, and I'm trying to cope with the fact that my son will be circumcised in about 3 hours.

Someone tell me that hundreds upon thousands of little boys have been circumcised before him, and hundreds upon thousands will be circumcised following him- tell me this makes him part of a chain of Jewish men following the laws and traditions of his forefathers- tell me he will be proud to circumcise his son one day, and to be the sandek while his grandson is circumcised - Lie to me and tell me he won't be in pain, because I'm freaking out.

Wake This?

2006-01-22T08:30:00.000-06:00

The pediatrician is concerned that AnonyBoy isn't gaining weight as quickly as he'd like to see, and has 'ordered' me to wake him every 2-3 hours to nurse if he doesn't rouse on his own. I find that I have to start psyching myself into waking him up. See, it takes us about 20-30 minutes to get him to sleep, but once he's asleep he'll sleep for a good 5 hours if I let him... So the prospect of rousing him in order to nurse him is along the lines of activating a time bomb in order to defuse it. You know it has to be done and that you'll be better off for it in the long run- but it doesn't make it any easier to do.

Eat, Sleep, Feed and Bathe

2006-01-22T08:18:00.000-06:00

Understandably, life has taken a new hectic turn and my blogging time has been severely curtailed. I'm under the pediatrician's orders to do only four things: Eat, sleep, feed and bathe. My family is holding me to it, also, and I have had to bargain my computer time- I think I may have found a way around them, however. As hard as they try, apparently I can out-awake them all, and at 4:30 a.m., nobody's checking to see if I'm not at the compy. So, I have time to type out a post and check my email.

Baruch Hashem, I feel wonderful. Absolutely incredible. Giving birth without drugs was the most intense, important and empowering experience of my entire life. I'm in the middle of composing my birth story, which is already nearly three pages long (hey, it was a 41-hour labor after all). I doubt I'll actually post the entire thing here, unless I make it a PDF and post a link. I'll at least post the timeline and some highlights, as well as a top 5 or top 10 list of things that made a drug-free birth possible. I already know that #1 on that list is constant and competent support. My midwife was incredible, my labor nurse was an angel, and my husband and sister were more supportive, loving and patient than anyone has business being for that long. I owe them all a deep gratitude.

I'm also starting to think about closing up this blog- Being a topical blog specifically about pregnancy, I think I'd like to start a new blog about parenthood. I have found a lot of solace in sharing my story, anonymous though I may remain, and the journaling has brought comfort in a year desperately needing it. IY"H, I will have the opportunity to reopen this blog when the time is right again. I haven't yet decided to make the parenting blog personal or anonymous. If I decide to make it anonymous, I will link to it from here. Either way, I'm not quite finished here, yet.

Fresh From the Strawberry Patch

2006-01-20T01:43:00.000-06:00

It's A Boy!

2006-01-17T17:30:00.000-06:00

I'm very thankful to G-d and my entire family, and extremely proud to announce the birth of my son. He was born yesterday, on the 16th day of Tevet (January 16th) at 2:16pm in Evanston. I pray to G-d that my amazing wife and I can raise him to a life of Torah, Chuppah, and Good Deeds.

For the ladies, because I know they like this stuff:

head - 13.25"
abdomen - 11.25"
length - 20.25"
weight - 8.0#

We Have White Smoke

2006-01-15T15:39:00.000-06:00

I believe I can officially say I'm in labor, and have been for approximately 16-18 hours, now. Since just about the end of Shabbat, I've been having contractions lasting about 45 seconds, approximately 10 minutes apart, and yes- it continued throughout the night, and into today. I was able to sleep about as much as I usually do, but did wake up this morning with the pain in my back. Without being TMI, I now have unmistakable 'proof' (besides the contractions) that I'm in early labor. It was destined to happen this way- 'cause Anonymousister left an hour ago to go back home, as she starts the new semester bright and early tomorrow morning. It's Murphy's Law.

I'm raring to go, very excited. Let's see how long that will carry me.

Wishful Thinking?

2006-01-14T21:53:00.000-06:00

Starting last night, I was feeling some very low back aching each time I woke up to go to the bathroom. Today, I had more aching, mostly a constant dull ache, with intermediate periods of intensification. Then, tonight as of about 4:30 or 5:00, I started to feel the back pain intensify with stronger contractions that feel like Braxton Hicks, though stronger and lower in the front of my abdomen. I don't usually get menstrual cramps, but the few times I have they've been of the shooting variety. The contractions I'm feeling are strong tightening sensations that feels uncomfortable and I certainly don't like it, but I wouldn't so much say they're like menstrual cramps.

We've started to time them, but I'm trying to decide if I think this is for real or just wishful thinking...

Perfectly Normal, Perfectly Healthy

2006-01-13T14:23:00.000-06:00

I had my prenatal checkup this morning, and the situation is essentially exactly as it was last week- 0 cm dilated, though 80% effaced. The midwife was going to strip my membranes if possible, but wasn't able to today. After a long discussion about induction and options, we've decided that I'll have another checkup on Monday morning, at which time they'll do another check and if possible, strip my membranes then. If I don't go into labor beforehand, I'll be induced next Thursday afternoon. BH, the baby looks great, and though I'm a little swollen, all my tests look good, also.

So, at very least, I know that at this time next week I'll at least be well on my way to being a mother, if not already holding my child.

Hello? No, not yet...

2006-01-12T22:02:00.000-06:00

That's how we answer the phone these days. Sometimes when we catch the caller ID before we pick up, we just skip the 'hello' part. Tonight, my best friend called basically because she had a feeling I was in labor, and wanted to know one way or another. I was baking at the time, and really, just wanted to bake. In explaining to her why I really didn't want to talk, I realized that there's the reality that I'm still pregnant, and there's the added reminder that I'm pregnant with all the phone calls from people. I know everyone means well, and I appreciate the concern and excitement- but sometimes, I just want the phone to stop ringing.

I think I should light a fire on our balcony and tell people when the smoke turns white, we have contractions.

10:48

2006-01-12T16:17:00.000-06:00

Last night I had another dream involving blood, so powerful that I actually woke up and thought it was real. I dreamt that I had my show, and that I was going into labor. I looked over at the clock, which read 10:48. I thought it meant 10:48 a.m. AnonAbba was sleeping in bed, so I woke him up saying we were going to be late for our 11:00 appointment, and that I was going into labor. He said it was 10:48 p.m., and encouraged me to lay down again to try to sleep through the early labor.

That's when I woke up and went to see if it had been real or a dream. At the time I woke up, it was about 3:30 in the morning, and I woke up another two times last night (not unusual these days). Each time I woke up, including when I awoke for the day, my first waking thought was 10:48... 10:48... 10:48...

I really wonder if I may be going into labor this evening at 10:48...

Thanks for Noticing Me

2006-01-10T19:01:00.000-06:00

Anonymousister says my disposition most accurately resembles that of Eeyore. I'm not so much depressed, but catching the expression on my face following dinner tonight, I fear she's pretty spot on.

It's just, "Sometimes, when you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it."

Non-Stress Test and Amniotic Fluid Check

2006-01-09T23:03:00.000-06:00

Today I had my post-date monitoring, which I'll repeat on Thursday if I haven't delivered by then. The ultrasound tech who did my amniotic fluid check said my fluid level is very good. Specifically she said, "You've got Lake Michigan in there," which is reassuring- if not a little gross. Then was on to the non-stress test, which essentially involved laying in a couple different positions while the baby's movement and heart rate were monitored. Check out that link, it's the most comprehensive explanation of the non-stress test I've found, very descriptive. So, as you now know, the nurse looks for at least two instances of heart rate elevation lasting 15 seconds or more within a 20 minute period. After about 17 minutes and two positions, she'd only been able to record one reactive period, so the nurse suggested trying to stimulate the baby with a vibroacoustic stimulator. Basically, it was this little hand-held speaker-looking apparatus which kinda buzzed and vibrated slightly when activated. She put this on my belly, commenting that she tries to aim it right over baby's ears, and buzzed it a couple times. I couldn't help but giggle, 'cause it sounded sort-of like a cartoon cattle prod, and the vibration tickled me, too. I was saying how the baby probably didn't appreciate that much, being buzzed awake. AnonAbba commented, 'Well, nobody likes a fire alarm. But take heart- maybe he/she will take heed and head to the nearest exit!'

Fire Hazard

2006-01-09T22:48:00.000-06:00

My belly is officially a fire hazard. Today as I was putting glasses away, my belly accidentally turned the front burners on- while I was leaning over our gas stove!

Arts and Crafts

2006-01-08T23:45:00.000-06:00

Today, we all spent the day as we spent last night- doing arts and crafts. Anonymousister and I painted chunky layered shapes while AnonAbba repotted our balcony victory garden in an effort to rid our home of the lovely fruit flies which have been feasting on the plants that didn't survive the first frost. I think we've decided to go with these wooden shapes instead of the original nursery design, and while I've been hesitant to do anything to decorate or paint in the nursery-to-be, I've had so much fun painting with my sister that there's as much value in the creating as there is in the final product. We did purchase red tab-topped drapery panels to replace the very old dirty panels which were there when we bought this place, and we'll probably put them in tomorrow afternoon, and we are going to revamp the 70's-style lamps which are extremely functional and equally ugly with spray paint and more little wooden shapes. Other than that, the rest of the nursery will stay pretty much untouched until baby is born.

I've had such an amazing day today, painting and watching TV with my sister- it's been such a treat to have her here, and I just know that I'm really going to miss her all the more when it comes time for her to go home again. We've never lived in the same city as adults, and I know now how lucky you are if you have that chance.

Whole Lotta Nuttin

2006-01-07T23:04:00.000-06:00

I had my last pre-scheduled prenatal checkup on Friday morning. I'm zero centimeters dilated, 50% effaced. That's right, kiddies. That is a whole lot of nothing going on. I did, however, gain 5 pounds of water weight in my legs, which explains why my shoes suddenly don't fit. My midwife asked what I've been doing with my days, and when I explained that Anonymousister and I have been shopping for 4-5 hours at a time, she explained that I need to lay down for 45 minutes every 2 hours. Oh, joy- go out for 2 hours, come home and lay down. I suppose I should be appreciative of the opportunity to lay down- nay, to be ordered to lay down, but I'm really not interested. I've got the shpilkies like you wouldn't believe, and laying down just doesn't fit into my plans.

Speaking of plans, HELLO, baby- this was not our plan! My mother in law told me this Shabbat, A mentsh trakht un Got lakht. Man plans, G-d laughs.

Another little bit of 'news' my midwife told me at the checkup: The baby is laying posterior, meaning facing forwards... This is a recipe for a prolonged labor, and back pain during labor. To boot, she said the baby's in a 'direct OP', meaning his/her spine is against mine- rather than his/her back to my left or my right. If the baby's spine were to my left or right, we could do some manual external manipulation, but with a direct OP, the baby has to turn all the way around, not just a quarter turn.

At this point I feel like everything I've tried has been for naught- I took a very intense childbirth ed class to set myself up for an unmedicated birth- only to face the absolute hardest vaginal birth scenario that I can think of (induced, post-date, posterior). I changed docs in order to avoid the automatic IV and other procedures, only to be Group B Strep positive- necessitating an IV anyways. For a month I've been using red raspberry leaf tea, evening primrose oil and walking to try to progress towards labor- only to reach my due date at 50% effaced and 0 cm dilated. Why continue to beat my head into a wall that apparently does not want to come down?

I'm very discouraged. I'm trying to stay positive, but the best I can muster is a na'aseh v'nishma approach- I'll continue my pelvic rocks and try to avoid my negative positions (reclining on my back, wearing high heeled shoes and crossing my legs), but I'm honestly having a hard time believing it will actually help.

Hope We Don't See You Soon!

2006-01-04T17:33:00.000-06:00

A friend just called and asked to do us a favor- Apparently, she and her husband have a history of inviting expectant couples for Shabbat meals, who end up not showing up because they go into labor instead. My reply was an enthusiastic, "We would love to not come to your house Friday night!"

Nesting Habits of the Papa Bird

2006-01-03T00:31:00.000-06:00

The term "nesting" refers to a pregnancy instinct that is experienced by mothers in very much the same way that mama birds have an instinct to set up their nest before they lay eggs. "Nesting," in reference to the behavior of a father-to-be, isn't usually as urgent or domestic and is usually in seen in the form of worrying (more) about money. I don't know how well the metaphor carries over to papa birds, as I'm not much of an expert on ornithological behaviors, nor have I seen "March of the Penguins."

I'm very involved in getting our home in order, but I'm it mostly at the mercy of Anonymommy and her armies of motherly hormones (G-d bless them). If she gets an urge to have hardwood floors installed in our main living area NOW, then it's best for everybody if we do just that.

With Anonymommy leading the way on knowing the most crucial nesting activity of the moment, I was very pleased with a nice gesture which she afforded me. While the floor guys were here, with their awesome power tools, she noticed that their table-saw would work quite nicely for a project I had in mind. She called me over and suggested I grab a roll of paper towels and have the guys cut it in half.

A while ago, I came across a do-it-yourself blog post which shows how to make your own baby wipes. I know! Right? Awesome. It's a great way to save a lot of money on something which doesn't really cost that much in the first place.

I want to thank Anonymommy for spotting an opportunity for me to experiment with homemade toiletries while risking an entire brand-new roll of paper towels. You may laugh at my ambitions, but believe me, it'll be worth it when, G-d willing, we get to use this on our new baby's butt.

Van Morrison's Astral Weeks

2006-01-02T23:36:00.000-06:00

AnonAbba and I put on Van Morrison’s Astral Weeks album this evening to Dremel and wash dishes by, respectively. What we found was a soothing and relaxing album, with lyrics that seemed childbirth’s perfect lyrical accompaniment… Some random insights, keeping in mind that this is not intended in any way to be a halachic dvar:

Astral Weeks
First, is the name of the song- for a complete exploration of the planes of existence, check out Van Morrison’s extensive and comprehensive website, specifically the glossary entry for Astral. The short version is thus: There are five planes of existence ranging from the physical to the nirvanic, astral being the level just above physical and before mental. Humans traverse on the astral plane in dreams, and fantastical beings exist on the astral plane when conjured there with strong enough thought. It would seem to me that during childbirth, the neshama of the baby is being passed down to join the body- somewhere between the nirvanic plane (one of an ideal condition of rest, harmony, stability, or joy- the neshama having been thus far in the company of Hashem) and the physical plane- necessitating a journey through the astral plane, just before entering the physical.

Secondly, the chorus repeats the phrase “to be born again.” I spoke earlier about birth being not only about bringing a new life into this world, but also of changing a woman into a mother- in essence, the birthing woman is ‘born again’, this time as a mother.

The bridge lyrics also speak to the transcendence of one between the physical and astral planes, bringing in an idea of heaven:

In another world
In another time
Got a home on high
Ain't nothing but a stranger in this world
I'm nothing but a stranger in this world
I got a home on high
In another land
So far away
So far away
Way up in the heaven

Beside You
The second song on the album seems to relate to being alone, or reassuring someone else that they are not alone- but about halfway through an interesting interlude of verses seem perfect for the birthing experience:

You breathe in you breathe out you breathe in you breathe out you breathe in you breathe out you breathe in you breathe out
And you're high on your high-flyin' cloud
Wrapped up in your magic shroud as ecstasy surrounds you
This time it's found you
You turn around you turn around you turn around you turn around
And I'm beside you
Beside you

Sweet Thing
Going on to the third song on the album, the repeated verse “I will never grow so old again” first caught my attention. What other rite of passage can one go through where you immediately grow so dramatically in such a short period of time? The song also seems a reassurance that when you hold your baby, the memory of childbirth pain falls away:

And you shall take me strongly
In your arms again
And I will not remember
That I even felt the pain.
We shall walk and talk
In gardens all misty and wet with rain
And I will never, never, never
Grow so old again.

The Way Young Lovers Do
Many natural birthing support sites and books that I’ve been reading lately suggest that the environment most conducive to getting baby out is the same environment which baby got in- namely, a romantic environment. While it is not halachically permitted, Ina May often suggest to her couples that kissing, dancing, and otherwise being loving towards one another can help progress labor- the lyrics of this song seem the perfect accompaniment for this comfort measure:

Then we sat on our own star and dreamed of the way that we were and the way that we were meant to be
Then we sat on our own star and dreamed of the way that I was for you and you were for me
And then we danced the night away
And turned to each other, say, 'I love you, I love you'
The way that young lovers do

Ballerina
Many different ideas here- one a message from the birthing woman to her child:

Spread your wings
Come on fly awhile
Straight to my arms
Little angel child

A message from the coach(es) to the birthing woman:

But if it gets to you
And you feel like you just can't go on
All you gotta do
Is ring a bell
Step right up, and step right up

Finally, Anonymousister used to be a ballerina- so for me, there’s that little connection.

The Hospital Bag

2006-01-01T20:40:00.000-06:00

Toiletries
Shampoo
Conditioner
Toothbrush
Toothpaste
Dove soap
Makeup bag (don’t forget powder & brush)
Hairbrush
Deodorant
Prenatal vitamins
Hair ties
Chapstick
Breathe-right strips
"Feminine care products" (tactful, ain't I?)

Clothing
AnonAbba’s black hooded sweatshirt
Black maternity yoga pants
Black maternity skirt
Red long-sleeve maternity t-shirt
2 long-sleeve MSU t-shirts
Orange maternity shelf-tank
Purple fluffy socks
2 extra pair ankle socks
giraffe slippers
black beret & 2 doo-rags
2 pair maternity underwear
nursing bra
kick-ass Aldo knee-high boots (Pinel Style)

Music/Movies
Jack Johnson (2 albums)
Nora Jones’ first album
Etta James- At Last, remastered
Van Morrison (3 albums)
Wonder Years compilation album
Old School
Moulin Rouge
Neverending Story

Food for AnonAbba
Cheese sticks
PB&J sandwich
Turkey sandwich
GeniSoy bar(s)
Starbucks doubleshot(s) & mocha frappucino(s)
AriZona teas (Rx Stress & Rx Energy)

Food for Anonymousister
Bagels & single-serve cream cheese
Yogurt
Diet Raspberry Snapple
Starbucks Venti triple-shot sugar-free vanilla skim latte

Miscellaneous
Blankie (mine- not baby’s. Yes, I still have my baby blankie.)
Pillows
Laptop & accessories
Camera, batteries & USB cord
What to Expect When You’re Expecting
Tennis balls
Photos of my grandfather and my Poppa
Cord blood donation kit
Perineum repair salve from doula
Lavendar candle & citrus oil burning set-up
Food for the nurses (cranberry muffins, banana bread, cranberry scones, chocolate chip cookies)
Copies of birth plan

It's Still Good, It's Still Good!

2005-12-31T18:33:00.000-06:00

All Shabbat, I kept hearing Homer Simpson saying, "It's just a little dirty. It's still good, it's still good!" "It's just a little slimy, it's still good, it's still good!" "It's just a little airborne, it's still good, it's still good!"

Alas, it seems safe to say that my well-intentioned bid for a 2005 birth has officially come to an unsuccessful close. As we blew out the Havdalah candle this evening and prepared to go to AnonAbba's New Year's gig, I heard a crestfallen Bart say, "It's gone..." and Homer reply, "I know."

Philosophy for a Drug-Free Birth

2005-12-29T11:41:00.000-06:00

"Do or do not. There is no try."

Pass the Tissues

2005-12-29T09:44:00.000-06:00

AnonAbba and I have a very sharing relationship. We share absolutely everything, and this week, he was kind enough to share his head cold with me.

I didn't have the heart to kick him out of the bedroom a week ago because when you're sick, all you want is to hunker down in your own bed. But at this point we're not helping each other at all- between his coughing outbursts and snoring, and my multiple pillows, sprawling and the exaggerated movements I require to roll over, we're better off in separate rooms altogether.

Wonder of Wonders, Miracle of Miracles!

2005-12-27T10:50:00.000-06:00

I did some thinking about my company's STD (short term disability) plan over the weekend. There is a change in the 2005 and 2006 policies. Both apply to the first 6 weeks post-vag birth, however...

The 2005 policy is such: The first 4 days away from work are unpaid or vacation days, but on the 5th consecutive day absent, you get paid retroactively for all 5 days, plus the following 5 weeks 100%.

The 2006 policy is that the first 5 days absent, regardless of total time absent, are unpaid or vacation days. The next 5 weeks are paid 100%.

So, if I take leave starting in 2005, I get essentially 6 weeks paid, but in 2006, I get only 5 weeks paid. I called the STD provider today, and asked, since I'm due so early in 2006, what if my first day absent is 12/31/05- would I qualify for the 2005 plan, meaning get that extra paid week? She said that a STD claim that originates in 2005 is covered under the 2005 policy, so in essence, yes... However, what if I don't deliver in 2005? Can I get paid for the pre-birth time of maternity leave? She did some investigation and came up with the BEST news!

My company, apparently, offers up to 2 weeks pre-birth paid benefit for maternity leave, plus the 6 weeks post birth . Which means, ladies and germs, that my last day of work is going to be Friday, STD starting on 12/31/05 (I double-checked that a Saturday can be the first day absent). Hopefully, I'll deliver in the next 2 weeks and then start a full 6 weeks of paid STD thereafter.

When the adjuster told me all this, I started hearing Motel singing "Wonder of Wonders, Miracle of Miracles!"

Due Date

2005-12-26T22:04:00.000-06:00

Just because Blockbuster says a movie is due on a certain date, that doesn't mean that's when they're going to get it back.

My Grandma's Birth Story

2005-12-24T22:05:00.000-06:00

My grandmother had three children from 1949 through 1956, and this past week she shared with me her birth story. I should also note that I asked her about two months ago if she remembered what Braxton Hicks contractions felt like- she kinda chuckled and said, "We didn't have that sort of thing back then."

She started her birth story by telling me that "back then it was very different." She was in the labor room smoking a cigarette when a nurse came in. The nurse said, "Alright, Mrs. G, it's time to put that cigarette out," to which my grandma replied, "Why?" The nurse said, "Because I'm going to give you a shot and you're going to go to sleep." My grandma promptly put our her cigarette, and was sedated. Some time later, she woke up to a nurse vigorously massaging her abdomen. She commented to the nurse, "Boy I really wish this would be over, already." The nurse replied, "Mrs. G, you had your baby almost two hours ago!"

Unconditional Love

2005-12-21T10:51:00.000-06:00

I love my baby- Never before have I loved something I didn't really have, or loved someone I'd never met. I've never felt such a dedication to an entity which will not be capable of demonstrating reciprocation for years and years. The background image on my computer is my mid-term ultrasound, and every time I look at it, I feel this overwhelming feeling of devotion- I can't wait to meet my baby, to hold him/her in my arms and just be in his/her presence. This is a whole new dimension of love for me, and it's at the same time comforting and scary.

**UPDATE**
So maybe it doesn't take years and years for your baby to demonstrate reciprocal love...

Very Interesting...

2005-12-20T14:04:00.000-06:00

I have come to the conclusion that pregnancy is accurately classified as a parasitic condition: one organism living wholly off another, to the detriment of the host:

A parasite is an organism that spends a significant portion of its life in or on the living tissue of a host organism and which causes harm to the host without immediately killing it. Parasites also commonly show highly specialized adaptations allowing them to exploit host resources.

The harm caused to a host by a parasite can take many forms, from direct pathology, including various specialized types of tissue damage, such as castration, to more subtle effects such as modification of host behaviour.

Wikipedia

Mmmm... Purple...

2005-12-17T23:55:00.000-06:00

During our childbirth education class, the doula suggested various scents which can be used for aromatherapy during labor- lavendar, jasmine, ylang ylang, rose and camomile are calming, and peppermint and citrus are energizing, for example. I don't particularly care for jasmine, I like rose but only in moderation, and ylang ylang is just fun to say. I do love peppermint and citrus smells, though- I'm going to pick up some essential oil of peppermint for smelling during labor. We also have this great tea-light scented oil burner from Body Shop. I mix the pink grapefruit and mandarin peel oils for a bright citrus scent.

AnonAbba's father's office has a grab bag every year, and he was lucky enough to pull this Seracon Lavendar candle. Not being the scented candle type, he offered it to AnonAbba, who then offered it to me... and I love it! I don't exactly know what true lavendar smells like, but this candle smells, for lack of a better explanation, purple- which is my favorite color. Every time I walk by it in the bedroom, lit or not, it catches my attention. I'm definitely going to make good use of it during labor.

Domestic Me

2005-12-17T20:34:00.000-06:00

When we discussed birth plans in our childbirth education class, the doula suggested, in no uncertain terms and on more than one occasion, that birth plans are far more readily recieved when accompanied with food.

Tonight I wanted to stay in, or at least do something low key. I started going through my cookbook coming up with recipes of food to prepare for the nurses. But it's very hard to come up with what to make that will be good in an indeterminate period of time. I kinda have in mind that I could go into labor any time, as unlikely as that may be in the very near future. On the other hand, family history is working against my bid for a 2005 birth, and I could not go into labor until long after my January 6 due date has come and gone. I could bake up a storm now, but how long are cookies really going to be good in the freezer. What about muffins and fresh breads? And wouldn't nurses who just weathered the holiday eating storm appreciate something a bit more healthy and fulfilling? Perhaps bagels or veggie wraps, for example? But bagels really are best newly-baked, and veggie wraps need to be fresh, also. I'd love to be able to say that when I go into labor that I'll spend some time baking to keep me busy and moving around, but I'm also trying to be realistic- if I'm having a hard time getting off the couch because The Sound of Music is on TV, how likely is it that I'm going to want to pull out the cookie cutters at 4 centimeters?

I guess I'll just bake for me and AnonAbba. Or, y'know, watch Julie Andrews yodel a bit more.

Yeah, I'm Officially Nesting

2005-12-14T11:29:00.000-06:00

v. nest·ed, nest·ing, nests
v. intr.
To build or occupy a nest.
To create and settle into a warm and secure refuge.

I just ordered 500 square feet of hardwood oak flooring and hired a workman to tear up the carpet in our living room/dining room and entryway and replace it with hardwood... The wood will arrive in the next 2 weeks, and the work will take 3-4 days. I'm officially nesting.

**UPDATE 12/21** Amazing! The lumber supplier received the wood yesterday! So, construction has been pushed ahead of schedule. We'll have a new floor by next Shabbat, IY"H. Can I just comment on how nice working with these people has been- a welcome change from my customer "service" issues of the past couple weeks.

Labor Music

2005-12-13T10:25:00.000-06:00

As I've mentioned before, I'm looking for good music to make a mix tape for labor & delivery. Music is a huge part of my and AnonAbba's life, so I couldn't imagine going to the hospital without being armed with an appropriate soundtrack.

Last night, AnonAbba put on Van Morrison's Moondance. It's perfect. Our childbirth educator suggested music that is relaxing and mellow, but that also has a rhythm- she said that Enya is the absolute worst music to bring into the delivery room. Each song on the album had a distinct and steady beat, is mellow in theme and presentation, and is perfectly relaxing.

ew, Ew, EW!

2005-12-13T10:09:00.000-06:00

Ok, I'm nixing the fish oil pills. They were nasty smelling when I opened the bottle. The first time I took them, it was akin to sucking on the plastic wrap around lox. I managed to figure out a way to get them down without being knocked over by the sheer fishiness, but now, 2 hours later, I'm experiencing them in vapor form. I'm just going to have to get my Omega 3's elsewhere, 'cause this just ain't happenin'.

Why I Want to Go Into Labor

2005-12-12T11:26:00.000-06:00

Let me count the ways (in no particular order)...

I am uncomfortable. I have hip and buttock pain, not to mention inner thigh pain. It may be sciatica, but it is more likely due to the change in pressures on my hip joints which are making my muscles compensate. I don't sleep more than 2 hours at a time. And while this may not change, it at least won't be due to the fact that I'm in pain.

I waddle. I walk two miles an hour- when exercising! And I miss my pre-pregnancy wardrobe. I had just gotten all this very cute stuff!

I kinda miss the Weight Watcher lifestyle. I was running pre-pregnancy, and as much as I would dread going out to the gym, etc, whenever I did it I felt GREAT, and I miss that. I miss watching the scale decrease, also.

Between this pregnancy and the last, I feel like I've been pregnant for over a year! I got pregnant LAST NOVEMBER.

Nobody yell at me, but I want a freakin' cigarette. Before you ask, yes I plan on nursing, but I also plan on doing a "Pump 'n' Dump" one night: I told my girls that it's their responsibility to take me out once I'm up to it and make sure that a) I have a drink in one hand and a smoke in the other all night and that b) I don't remember a thing that happens. I need to go on a bender. I've been way too good lately.

I want to meet this kid!! I want to know what his/her personality is like, who he/she looks like, etc etc etc.

The pregnancy has been emotionally difficult for me, and I'm looking forward to re-regulating my hormones. I know there is a postpartum period to go through, first, but the sooner I get started postpartum, the sooner I get back to stable.

I'm due right on the cusp of the year, so if I can go in December, we'll end up saving literally thousands of dollars. We've already filled our health insurance deductibles, so delivery/hospitalization would be all but free under our plan, there's the tax break for an additional dependent, and we'd be able to revise our pre-tax withholding for medical expenses, and recoup approximately 30% of our medical expenses for the year- which have unfortunately been considerably more than we anticipated. All in all, I think a 2005 birth would save us somewhere in the area of $5000! Not exactly chump change, IMO.

I think it'd be really cool to actually have the baby ON Channukah- which is the last week of December. It'd be the coolest Channukah gift ever!

I could really use a break. I'm so tired. Besides the physical and emotional taxes of pregnancy, work has been extremely intense, and I'm looking forward to taking a step back for a couple weeks.

I'm a do-er, not a wait-er. At this point, my childbirth ed classes are over, I'm pre-registered at the hospital, our baby registry is pretty much complete, I've read all of the books I planned to read pre-delivery (got about 75 pages left in the last book), our birth plan is complete and I have a menu of cookies to make for the nurses (everyone says the nurses are more responsive to birth plans which are accompanied by food). I've even started a list of things to pack for the hospital- though I'm not packing it yet 'cause Murphy's Law says that if everything is packed, I won't go into labor. Basically, I have no patience, and at this point I have little to nothing productive left to occupy my time until delivery.

Mother Nature, Make a Mother Out of Me!

2005-12-11T22:27:00.000-06:00

My midwife has said that as of Shabbat, they wouldn't try to stop labor- which means I'm going to try to start it.

Under her supervision (so nobody freak out, ok?), I've started a regimen of homeopathic induction methods- Evening primrose oil massage, black cohosh, red raspberry leaf tea and walking, walking, walking, amongst the more TMI methods. Some people have recommended balsamic vinegar (which is good, 'cause I love balsamic vinegar) and spicy foods (which should be easy because AnonAbba makes a mean spicy chollent). I'm also taking fish oil to help prevent postpartum depression and generally improve my emotional state. Today we were at a med school graduation party for a friend, and the host gave us her bottle of castor oil. She swears by it- in her words, "Mix 2 Tbsp castor oil in a big glass of orange juice. You'll be in labor in six hours." Of her 5 (BA"H) children, she's gone the castor oil route with two of them- one 2 weeks early, and the other 3. I'm not at the castor oil stage as yet, but talk to me round-abouts December 25 and we'll see.

I got such a giddy feeling leaving the vitamin shop today! Bring on baby!

Letting Go...

2005-12-11T21:47:00.000-06:00

A while back, I posted about how there is always a "what about" to worry about. Motzei Shabbat, I removed the amulet I've been wearing since April. The rabbi who gave it to me told us that it should be removed when the doctor said it was ok to have the baby- and my midwife said that as of Saturday, it would be ok. All Shabbat, I thought about removing the amulet. I've reached up to touch that amulet so many times over the past eight months- each time feeling assured that my baby was being watched over, protected and safe. And now I was faced with removing that protection.

Until Motzei Shabbat, I was able to protect my child the most I'll ever be able to, and I've officially taken the very first step towards relinquishing some of that protection.

I don't know if it was just because I was paying more attention, but since I removed the amulet, I felt a lot more activity. Nothing 'frantic', just a lot of squirming and moving around. Last night was not a good sleeping night. I woke up no fewer than six times (and apparently woke AnonAbba up in the process). At one point, I felt the baby moving a whole lot in the middle of the night, which is not a regularly busy time for the baby. In my half-stupor, I had this vision of my baby wrestling with an angel- like Yaakov. I had this very guilty feeling- like I had removed the protection which, until then, had kept this angel away from my baby. I'm in real trouble when it comes time to send this child off to school.

The Birth Plan

2005-12-07T21:40:00.000-06:00

AmazingPregnancy.com has a very nice feature which allows you to create a concise birth plan based on radio buttons and check boxes. After a couple of versions, this is ours.

**General Information**
Name : Anonymommy
Partner's name : AnonAbba
Main supporter's name : Anonymousister
Due date : January 6, 2006

** Location Of Birth **
Hospital

** Special Notes **
My blood type is Rhesus Negative.

** General Comments **

I would like all staff to discuss all procedures with my partner/coach and myself before they are performed.
I would like to be able to vocalize during labor and birth without criticism or comment.
I would like permission to see my chart and the baby's chart.

** Environment **

I would like it if non-essential personnel, including interns and students were not present.
I would like a private birthing room.
I would like my partner to be present at all times.
I would like to wear my own choice of clothes.
I would like a private phone to be available.
I would like to listen to my choice of music during the labor.
I would like the lights to be dimmed during the labor.
I would like to use aromatherapy during labor.
I would like to have massages during labor.
I would like people to respect my privacy by knocking before entering the room.

** During The Labor **

I would like vaginal examinations to be kept to a minimum.
I would prefer to avoid an IV unless it is necessary.
I would like to deliver in whatever position is comfortable for me.
I would like to be able to walk around during the labor.
I would like to be able to drink fluids during the labor.
I would like to be able to eat light foods during labor.
I would like a mirror so I can see the baby’s head during delivery.

** Monitoring **

I do not wish to have continuous fetal monitoring unless it is necessary.
I prefer external monitoring to internal monitoring.
I would prefer to be monitored using an external electronic monitor.

** Pain Relief **

I would like to use a birthing tub for pain relief.
Massage
Acupressure

Stadol
Nubain
Demerol
Low dose Epidural
Epidural Block

** Induction **

I would like to avoid induction unless there are signs of fetal distress.
Before induction, I would like to try the following natural methods to progress labor:
- Relaxation
- Herbs
- Nipple stimulation
If induction is necessary, I prefer the following methods: Prostaglandin Gel

** Episiotomy **

I would prefer to avoid an episiotomy, even if tearing is possible.

** Delivery Of The Placenta **

I would like to deliver the placenta naturally.
I would like my partner to view the placenta after delivery.

** Caesareans **

I would like to avoid a caesarean unless it is absolutely necessary.
I would like the following anesthesia for a caesarean: Epidural
I would like my partner/coach to be present during the caesarean.
I would like the screen lowered so I can view the birth.
I would like to touch the baby as soon as possible.

** After The Birth **

I would like the baby handed to me immediately it is born, unless there are signs of fetal distress.
I would like to have the baby evaluated in my presence.
I would like the umbilical cord to stop pulsating before it is cut.
I have made arrangements to donate the umbilical cord blood.
I would like my baby to be kept with me at all times.

** Feeding **

I would like to breast feed my baby.
Please do not give the baby supplements, pacifiers or glucose solution without consulting me.

** In The Event The Baby Is Sick (has v’shalom)**

I would like to breastfeed where possible.
I would like unlimited visits for the parents.
I would like to hold the baby where possible.
If it is necessary to transfer the baby to another facility, I would like to follow as soon as possible.

** Circumcision **

In the case the baby is a boy, no circumcision is to be performed in the hospital.

** Eye Care **

I would like to delay eye care until after I have bonded with the baby.

** Vitamin K **

I would like vitamin K to be given orally.

Taking the First Step

2005-12-07T21:29:00.000-06:00

About 2 miles of steps, actually. I just did 60 minutes on the treadmill. Real slow, mind you, but still, I took my evening TV vertically. Very proud of myself.

That is all.

Yet Another Odd Sensation

2005-12-07T12:18:00.000-06:00

I discovered yesterday that I can push on baby's bottom (which is squarely bumping up under my ribs) and feel baby's hand (?) down by my hip.

Very odd.

Who's On First, Babies R Us Style

2005-12-06T14:41:00.000-06:00

Last night, I spent about an hour wandering around Babies R Us looking for a nice baby gift for one of my bosses who just became a father to a baby girl on Friday. While there, I took the opportunity to check out gliders, as it's the kind of thing you have to sit in to choose. Furniture and shoes, two thing I'll never see how people can buy online without having tried out first. I found a glider that I liked very much, and scanned it for my registry. I didn't think to take down very much information about it, because having scanned it I assumed the registry captured all the necessary info- y'know, like which one I'd chosen. The only thing I remembered is that it was a Shermag glider, and I only remember that because it was one of Baby Bargain's top recommended glider brands.

When I pulled up my registry today, I found that the glider is actually discontinued, and the registry only shows "Ntrl Lck/rcl Gl Beige Fab" as indicative of the item I'd chosen. So, I called the store to ask for more information, hoping I'd be able to find the glider elsewhere. The following ensued:

Hi, I'm trying to find out some information about a glider I registered for last night. The registry doesn't have any information, so I was hoping you could give me the model so I could try to look it up online.

Ok, which one did you sit in?

The one I registered for was neutral-colored, had side pockets and a matching ottoman, I think the manufacturer is Shermag.

Yes, that one is sage.

No, the one I sat in didn't have a greenish fabric, it was more like, beige.

The beige is discontinued, we only have the sage.

Ok, so the beige is being phased out- but it's still on your floor, right?
It's $499.99, very nice chair. In sage.
Maybe I should speak with the manager- There was a lady I talked to last night...

Julie?

I don't remember her name...

Lily?

Right, I don't remember her name. She was an assistant manager- can I speak with an assistant manager?

She's not here, Lily.

Ok. Then, can I just speak with a different person who might be able to help?

**put on hold**

{a woman answers, not a manager}

Cannai helpew?

Can you tell me, how many beige chairs are on the floor?

One

Well, I sat in three yesterday, so there has to be more than one.

Well, then they're discontinued.

See, I didn't ask how many beige chairs are being discontinued, I only asked how many on the floor are beige.

Two.

Oh, ok. Well, I sat in three.

So, three.

Ah. Ok. Well, how many are made by Shermag?

We have four Shermags on the floor.

And of those Shermags, how many have beige colored fabric?

We only have sage.

See, and you just told me you have three beige Shermag chairs on the floor-

Right, but only the sage is not discontinued.

Again, not asking about discontinued. So, we're talking about three beige Shermag chairs, right?

Two sage, and two beige, right.

What?

Ma'am, you're really confusing me...

Please transfer me to a manager…

**put on hold**

{same woman}

Ok, we have three beige chairs on the floor which are made by Shermag.

Ok, of those three, do they all have side pockets, a gold reclining button and lock when you stand up.

They're all Shermag.

Huh?

They all recline, because they're all Shermag.

Oh, ok. So, what's the difference between them?

One has sage fabric…

No, no, not talking about the sage chair, just concerned for the beige ones here…

yeah, they're discontinued.

Please, please transfer me to a manager…

**put on hold**

{same woman}

Ok, the number is…

What number?

The skin number. It's…

The what number?

S-K-N, the skin number. It's 037971. And the manufacturer's number is 7459KD"oh".

Ok, thank you. And which chair is that for?

The sage reclining/locking chair.

I don't want the sage chair, I sat in the beige chair last night, that's the number I want, not the sage…

**put on hold**

{same woman}

Ok, the number is…

Hold on, hold on, to be clear this is the…

The beige chair. The number is…

Wait, just a second, which number are you giving me- the skin or the manufacturer's?

Both. The skin number is 207176, the manufacturer'snumber is 7847KD.

Ok, thank you very much, I appreciate your…

*click*

I google the skin number. I google the manufacturer's number. Shermag's site is in Flash (people, it's really not the end-all-beat-all. HTML is your friend. Use it.). They don't have a single glider listed- the glider section, apparently, is 'coming soon.' I find nothing, anywhere. Absolutely nothing at all. Call back, choose the menu item to be directly connected to a manager who promptly gives me not only the correct manufacturer's number, she also advises me that they have the exact chair I want in the back of their store. Further, they're happy to hold the glider for delayed pickup. Provided it's paid in full, they can hold it until the baby comes. Oh, and it's $100 less than the furniture associate said it is.

**UPDATE 12/8/05**
I called last night to pay for the glider and to order the matching ottoman. Because I was understandably nervous that they had the correct model, I reiterated that this model should be a Shermag glider with beige fabric, a gold reclining button on the right and side pockets. The guy I was talking to said no side pockets... "That one is brand new, not discontinued."

I nearly cried.

Ninth Month Tevila

2005-12-04T23:03:00.000-06:00

That sounds like a pregnancy's "Seventh Inning Stretch"... Anyways...

The best I can surmise from my internet researching on tevila during the ninth month of pregnancy is such:

Tevila during the 9th month can be considered a segula for an easy birth and healthy baby. This came from a blog (devarim.com) reviewing/discussing the Mikvah Monologues written by Anita Diamant, so I'm unfamiliar with the source of the tradition. Though, I think there's a dvarim blogger who stops by here once in a while, maybe she can help with a source for the segula-tradition.
It is considered a segula for women who are trying to conceive to toivel following a woman in her 9th month of pregnancy. But again, the internet failed me a source- the best I could come up with "some believe" or "Jewish folklore".

I have a number of friends who are trying to conceive right now, and it occured to me that I could try to arrange a time to precede them to the mikveh. However, in my surfing I also found the same offer from a woman in Jerusalem on a message board. One of the other women responded that she had considered requesting a friend precede her tevila, but thought to consult her rav beforehand. The rav explained that, in fact, it is preferable that one should maintain tzniut, and arranging a night where the friend would toivel would violate this strict adherence to T"H. The beautiful part of this explanation is that a loyal adherence to T"H and a conscious effort to maintain the privacy of the mikveh night is a segula in and of itself.

Alas, my research continues. I plan on making a couple calls to mikveh attendants and rabbis in the area to find a source, as well as a psak about going myself and/or inviting my friends to follow me.

Does This Mean I Have to Keep Shopping?

2005-12-04T11:08:00.000-06:00

Just my luck, I went to adjust our registry today, and found the following information about Graco's MetroLite strollers. Now, the MetroLite I was going to register for does not fall into this particular recall (the model number is 7308DEL2, not included in this recall)... but is there still a risk with registering for the MetroLite in view of the recall of earlier models?

CPSC, Graco Children’s Products Inc. Announce Recall of Duo Tandem and Certain MetroLite™ Strollers
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, in cooperation with the firm named below, today announced a voluntary recall of strollers sold between 1994 and 2002. Consumers should stop using recalled products immediately until a repair kit has been obtained.

Name of Products: Graco Duo Tandem Stroller, Graco MetroLite Stroller

Units: About 1 million Duo Tandem and about 143,000 MetroLite strollers

Manufacturer: Graco Children’s Products Inc., of Exton, Pa.

Hazard: These strollers can fail to latch properly and unexpectedly collapse while in use. This can result in broken bones, cuts, bumps, bruises and other injuries to young children riding in the stroller and consumers pushing the stroller.

Incidents/Injuries:
For the Duo Tandem strollers, Graco has received reports of 306 collapses causing 230 reported injuries, including a broken arm, and a cut to a child requiring 46 stitches. For the MetroLite strollers, Graco has received reports of 223 stroller collapses causing 34 reported injuries including 18 bumps and bruises to the head or body. Other injuries associated with both strollers include cuts, scrapes, scratches, pinched fingers and muscle pulls.

Description:
The recalled Duo Tandem strollers, manufactured between 1994 and 1999, have two seats, one seat in front and one seat in back. The strollers have a blue, white or green plastic and steel frame. They have four wheels in the front and two wheels in the rear. The cloth seats and tops have various colors and patterns. There is a label with the model and serial number on the stroller’s frame. Only strollers with serial numbers and model numbers listed below are included in this recall.
Graco Duo TandemModel Numbers

7950
7955
7960
7965
7970
7980

7990

The recalled MetroLite strollers, manufactured in 2000 and 2001, have a blue, gray or black plastic and steel frame. The cloth seat and top have various colors and patterns. The strollers have four wheels in the front and two wheels in the rear. These strollers were sold as a stand-alone stroller and also as part of a travel system that included an infant car seat/carrier and a base. The car seat/carrier is not affected. There is a label on the cross bar under the foot rest containing the model and serial number. Only strollers with serial numbers between 10012000 and 12312001 in the first 8 digits and the following model numbers are included in this recall.
Graco MetroLite Model Numbers:

6110DW
6114NGS
6110F3
7410CON
6111FKB
7413CML
6114HAV
7413MRN
6114JAM

Sold at:
The Duo tandem strollers sold at discount, department and juvenile product stores nationwide from January 1994 through December 2000 for between $80 and $150.

The MetroLite strollers sold at discount, department and juvenile product stores nationwide from November 2000 through December 2002 for between $100 and $200.

Manufactured in: China

Remedy: Consumers should stop using these strollers immediately and contact the firm to receive a free repair kit. The kit includes a custom-designed latch that consumers should attach to the stroller’s frame to ensure it is properly latched. The repair kit will be available in approximately 1 to 2 weeks.

Consumer Contact: Call Graco at (800) 345-4109 anytime or log on to the firm’s Web site at http://www.gracobaby.com/customerservice/recall.aspx

Thank you, April!!

2005-12-04T10:28:00.000-06:00

Amazon.com has been the bane of my existence for the past number of months. I have several accounts with Amazon, owing to the security of my company's computers- I can't access my gmail from work, and I can't access work email from home. Between 35-40% of employees admit to making purchases while at work, and I'm numbered amongst them. Therefore, I have an elaborate system of email addresses set up specifically to forward certain updates (Netflix, for example) to all of my other email addresses so that I may access that information regardless of place or time. Over the course of my online years, I have also set up a myriad of various online accounts with various venders, and apparently have numerous long-forgotten accounts with Amazon.

I also originally attempted to set up our Babies R Us registry anonymously, so as to be able to post a link from this blog. Seeing as how "Anonymommy at Gmail.com" was too difficult for the GED-lacking BRUs associate to spell, I eventually gave up the anonymous angle and simply attached the registry to my regular, non-anonymous Gmail account. When I attempted to access the registry online, I was able to activate it so at least I (and others) could view it, but I wasn't able to make any changes. I tried to reset the password. I tried to change the registry to another email address. I tried to send an email to customer 'support'. I tried to resign myself to only being able to make changes in the store. And today, after spending nearly an hour trying to find Amazon's customer 'support' phone number, I finally googled "amazon phone", and came up with a number (800-201-7575, for those who are pulling your hair out). I spoke with a very pleasant rep who explained the best she could do is fill out a form. I asked if she could disconnect the registry from that email and reassign it to a 'dummy' email. Could she reset the password on the old account? Could she do anything? Pleasant doesn't account for stupid. I said, ok, fill out the form- and then transfer me to the 2nd level. I then spoke with April, I team leader. She walked me through a couple of very easy steps, 10 minutes tops, between my email and the BRUs registry on Amazon, and voila- it now works!! 2 hours and 10 minutes later, I'm going to overhaul my registery sitting in my pjs with a cup of coffee & a kitty in my lap.

So, thank you April, for fixing my registry and saving me hours of wandering around in a crowded Babies R Us a month from my due date.

One Month and Counting

2005-12-02T11:57:00.000-06:00

So, it's officially December, and I'm officially one month from my due date (B"H). I'm really hoping to go a bit early, safe early, but early nonetheless. Family history is against me. I was 2 weeks late, and my mom was also 2 weeks late. Starting next week, I'll be drinking my raspberry leaf tea, using evening primrose oil for massage, walking more, and generally trying to think labor (amongst the more TMI methods for bringing on contractions, which will stay unmentioned- at least unmentioned by me).

Probably the most important thing I will be doing is removing the kabbalistic amulet I've been wearing since April. Following my unfortunate miscarriage in January, my sister in law told me about an amulet g'mach run by the leading T"H rav in town. We called him once we got our second positive test, and the rav gave AnonAbba a little red-orange bead with instructions that I was to wear this bead around my neck for the duration of the pregnancy, never removing it under any circumstances. He also asked us to call him in the 9th month. I've been wearing it ever since, and last week AnonAbba called the rabbi to ask for further instruction. The rabbi said to remove the amulet either when the doctor says it's ok for the baby to be born, or when I reach my due date. I really believe this will be the strongest labor-inducing act I can do.

At yesterday's prenatal checkup, I explained this to my midwife, and she said to remove the amulet at 36 weeks- which is next Shabbat.

I've also read about a tradition to go to mikveh in the 9th month of pregnancy, but I need to do some more research into the practice... If anyone has info about going to mikveh towards the end of pregnancy, please let me know.

I actually really miss going to mikveh- It wasn't always the most convenient thing to do, to drop everything for 2 hours in order to sit in a bathtub, scrub the calluses off my feet, remove my nailpolish and file my nails to stubs, etc. But nevermind the inconvenience, going to mikveh was (and is) one of my favorite rituals. There is something very elevating about the whole experience, and I also really appreciate the dichotomy- the preparation and even the act of tevila is very physical- but the change in status is 100% etherial. I really do miss it-

Surfacing the Baby Gear Discussion

2005-11-30T16:42:00.000-06:00

Yona comments on the need for all that baby gear, or more specifically, the lack of need. Rather than bury such an important conversation under a relatively silly post inspired by an mp3 of If I Were a Rich Man, I thought it better to surface the baby gear discussion and open it to the masses. All 6 of you who read this blog.

Strollers/Car Seats/Travel Systems
AnonAbba and I decided to go with a complete travel system (car seat-stroller combo) owing to the fact that buying the car seat and stroller separately would most probably add up to more money, and I like things to match 100%. We originally decided on a Graco Quattro closure stroller with very nice microfiber fabric, a cold weather boot and purple paisley- and then AnonAbba expressed that he'd feel pretty silly pushing it around, especially if we have a boy. So, we went in search of a less frilly/girly/froo-froo pattern. Around the same time, my best friend started talking about how she wanted the CoachRider design because of the reversible seat option- When AnonAbba and I went looking for a new pattern, we both liked the CoachRider pattern, and I like the reversible seat option- so it's the CoachRider for us. Unless someone has a better suggestion...

Crib and Pack 'n' Play
My parents have generously offered to purchase the crib for us, and they already chose the Mondi Divano crib. Friends of theirs had one as a 'grandma's house crib', and loved it, so I think that's how they settled on that design. Baby Bargains gives Mondi a rating of B, and it seems their biggest complaint about the company is the difficulty in locating retailers. Owing to the fact that the crib is currently sitting in my parents' living room, I don't see the lack of availablility affecting us too much. I'm not so big on the convertible option, but I can see the potential to return the crib to my parents' after a few years, and let it be the kid's bed at their house when we visit.

Also, we definitely want to have a Pack 'n' Play/portable crib. For the first couple weeks/months, I expect baby will sleep in our bedroom to allow easy access for midnight feedings, and mostly because I want to be close. AnonAbba and I are also avid campers, so we plan on using the Pack 'n' Play when we go camping. I also appreciate the portablity when it comes to visiting family and friends, most of whom do not otherwise have a place for babies to sleep. I absolutely do not want to institute cosleeping with baby, because as much as babies love to cosleep, I like to simply sleep, and I can't imagine I would get any being so constantly aware of my baby lying immediately next to me. I require a generous portion of the bed when I sleep. Friends of ours kept their 6-month old daughter in the bed for a couple nights while she had a cold, and even now, nearly a month later, she still cries to sleep in the bed. It's hard to break a cosleeping habit once it's established, so a designated 'this is where baby sleeps' is necessary, in my opinion.

Nursery Furniture
I agree with Yona that a changing table is unnecessary, albeit convenient. I really don't want to have to bend over to bed height to change diapers, and I don't want to get on all fours every time, either. Certainly I will change diapers on beds and floors, but I like the option of having a proper-height surface to change the baby. That being said, I also don't need a separate piece of furniture whose sole purpose is diaper changes- if our ottomans double-task as foot rests, coffee tables and storage, our changing table is certainly going to do double duty (no pun intended). That's why we chose the changing table/dresser option. An area of the dresser surface is recessed to the proper height for changing diapers, and removing the changing pad makes the piece into a simple dresser. We did find this piece at Baby Depot for far less than the retail value I posted in the previous post, also.

As far as the chest of drawers, I chose to go with that in lieu of an armoire because the room destined to become the nursery in our current place has a very large closet with shelves and a hanging bar. I felt that a chest of drawers would better suit the room, as there is adequate room for hanging items, as well as linen, in the closet. I also didn't think that the changing table/dresser had enough storage space for diaper stuff and clothing. As a side note, there is also a storage drawer under the crib, though I've been cautioned (by Baby Bargains) that stuff in there will get dusty quickly, so I really only intend on putting 'overstock' items and the like down there. Extra packages of wipes, baby detergent, etc.

All that being said, Baby Bargains also recommended going to Ikea for nursery furniture, which I think I convinced AnonAbba to do with me. It'll be a shlep out to the store to see what they have, but lot of our friends have select pieces from Ikea and, although the quality is suspect, they are very nice looking and simple-functional, just like I like my furniture. Whatever we finally decide on (and we are taking suggestions), we won't buy it until after the baby's born, so the nursery will be a work in progress for a while.

As for the rest of the baby gear, I'm really at a loss. I know I will need clothing, but I don't know that I'm supposed to be registering for it- I don't want a whole bunch of green and yellow, but I also don't want to advertise the gender with our clothing choices. I also have no clue as to what to expect in terms of gifts from friends and extended family. Obviously, I know about the crib and AnonAbba's bubby has generously offered to give us the Pack 'n' Play, but I don't know about the rest of the stuff, and I don't know about the random people in my office, or our friends from shul, etc.

Stay tuned...

Ah, Tevye...

2005-11-29T11:55:00.000-06:00

Graco CoachRider Travel System: $249.99
Laura Ashley Pack 'n Play Playard: $179.99
Mondi Divano Convertible Crib: $599.99
Sauder Malibu Changing Station: $345.99
Sauder Malibu 4-Drawer Chest: $274.99

G-d who made the lion and the lamb,
You decreed I should be what I am.
Would it spoil some vast eternal plan
If I were a wealthy {wo}man?!

Cyber Friends

2005-11-29T11:32:00.000-06:00

When I started Weight Watchers three years ago, I started posting on a message board on the weightwatchers.com site entitled "Just Married". I found a great group of gals on that board, all of us in similar positions in life- within 2 years of having gotten married. We talked food, exercise, emotions, and life. About a year and a half into the board, a new 'crop' of gals joined- and kinda raunchied us all off the board. My girls and I would discuss "TMI" issues (like having too much gas after eating extra fiber one week), but these new posters were really busting the TMI border and the board turned ugly. I figured my time with the message board had come to an end, and I started checking in less and less frequently.

A couple months after this all started, I got an email invitation from someone I'd never heard of- because it was her real name. Jig*, as I knew her, was letting me know that my girls had all 'broken away' from the Just Married WW board and had set up a message board on EZ boards- and wanted me to join. I signed up the same day, and have been a die-hard "WW Friend" ever since.

As we are all in similar places in life (remember, we all met within 2 years of having gotten married), a good handful of us are pregnant right now (B"H). Stef had her beautiful baby girl in the beginning of September, BA"H I'll have my baby in about a month, and my good friend Jig will have her baby about two weeks later. Many other girls are in the process of adoption, getting ready to TTC (try to conceive), or dealing with/sharing 'childless by choice' issues... they are great friends of mine- and we've never met.

I'm so grateful that I have these wonderful women in my life- they inspire me, they motivate me, they kick my butt when it needs kicking, and they massage my ego when it nees inflating. They're all beautiful- and though I hope to meet them all some day, I never need to lay eyes on them to know it.

*All names are pseudonyms/screen names to protect the not-so-innocent.

The Making of a Mother

2005-11-18T14:23:00.000-06:00

I spoke with my mom this afternoon (weekly have-a-good-Shabbos phone call) and we were talking about my checkup yesterday evening. I explained to her how happy I am with the midwives, and that I think changing to their practice has really contributed to the improvement of my emotional status. I said that it's been very empowering to take control of the situation, and 'strike out' on a new path. My mom shared her wisdom with me, explaining how children grow up not because of, but in spite of their parents. Things she and my dad planned out very carefully to teach a lesson, or to instill certain values, had little to no effect on my memories- but things that didn't seem to matter one way or the other were instrumental for my development and became memories that carry me through. So she cautioned me not to get too worked up if things aren't as I want them to be. The empowering feeling is good because it makes me feel good for now- as artificial as it may be to feel empowered in a situation that, in truth, is wholly in G-d's hands.

I had recently read a quote of Ina May Gaskin's, "It's not just the making of babies, but the making of mothers that midwives see as the miracle of birth." I told my mom that the baby's experience through childbirth probably won't affect the child's memorable life very much- I mean, have you ever met someone who remembers their actual Birth Day? At some level, birth is a means to an end- and G-d willing, the baby will be healthy and strong regardless of whether I deliver on quiet grass covered prairie with doves playing overhead or if I labor in a taxi cab stuck in the snow (BA"H). But the experience of giving birth, however it may transpire, will be instrumental in my life. So, it's not so much the birth of my child, but the making of myself into a mother that I have been trying to design and plan.

Dear Lin

2005-11-16T23:28:00.000-06:00

My favorite morning DJ has a feature where he answers listeners' questions on the air. This is mine:

I just started my 8th month of pregnancy, and I'm starting to think about childbirth- I recently read that 1st time deliveries can take over 16 hours! My friends suggest bringing movies and music to the hospital to help pass the time and 'cheer me on'. Seeing as how the making of a mix tape is a very delicate matter, I was hoping you could lend your expertise- Tell me, what songs do you think will help?

Ukuleles = Happy Music

2005-11-16T23:19:00.000-06:00

As evidenced by my previous post about music in the delivery room, I've been thinking about making a mix tape. I'm in the preliminary development stage. For me, that means every song that catches my attention goes through thorough scrutiny for a potential delivery room appearance.

On my way home from work this evening, Jack Johnson's new song Breakdown came on the radio, and I found myself bobbing my head back and forth and kinda seat-dancing... I feel the same way when I hear the Somewhere Over the Rainbow/What a Wonderful World medley by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole (you would not believe how long it took me to find the spelling for that one)... Maybe I should get AnonAbba a ukulele to play in the delivery room. Ukulele music apparently makes me happy.

I Need a Belly Bib

2005-11-14T11:25:00.000-06:00

I always put my napkin in my lap at meals. Lately, however, it doesn't help. Anything that may fall off my fork will land on my belly, which protrudes far further than my lap. I'd put on a bib, but to be honest, nothing's falling on my chest either- it all lands on my belly.

A World of Difference

2005-11-13T21:02:00.000-06:00

I noticed and commented to AnonAbba a couple of days ago how much of a difference I feel emotionally from two months ago. I was really a wreck then, and now B"H I'm pretty steady. I have good days and bad days, but my bad days aren't nearly as bad as they were then- and my good days are actually good, not just 'bearable'. I giggled so much today- and I'm so grateful for it.

Braxton Kicks

2005-11-08T23:29:00.000-06:00

Yesterday morning I was on the phone with AnonAbba when I got a new, odd sensation of tautness under my ribs, top of my tummy and off to the right a bit. I put my hand there and it just felt tighter. It felt too big to be a foot, and didn't pop like a kick. I actually paused and commeted to AnonAbba that I either had my first Braxton Hicks contraction or I got a butt in the ribs. Otherwise, I didn't think much else of it. I felt the same sensation throughout the day from time to time, eventually asking my G'ma if she remembers feeling Braxton Hicks contractions. (As a side note, her response was "we didn't have that kind of thing back then," which I think is so cute.)

Today, I continued to feel the same sensation and asked a coworker who has a 1 1/2 year old. She said it sounded like Braxton Hicks, and suggested that a call to my doc/midwife wouldn't be out of order. So I called the midwife. After I described the sensation, the nurse asked me if I'd been staying hydrated, to which I replied no. I really haven't been drinking nearly as much water as I should be, and I've really been running about a lot between work and shiva at my G'mas. Add to that the stress of the 2nd death in the family since the beginning of this pregnancy, and the nurse was sufficiently concerned to ask me to stay relatively sedentary for the next hour, jot down the times at which I felt the sensation and call the office back after the hour.

Of course, over the next hour I swore I felt this tautness every 2 minutes- and eventually jotted down about 4 catch-my-attention-strength sensations. I called back, and after consulting with the midwife, the nurse asked me to make my way to the hospital... the one with the NICU. So freaking out at this point.

I called a friend to drive me there, and I just felt stupid. Here I am undecided as to whether I'm in preterm labor or if my baby has inhereted my unfortunately generous heinie genes as the nurse asks me to change into a hospital gown. She asked me when the pain started, to which I replied that I wasn't in pain. She seemed a bit confused at that point, but put the monitors on nevertheless. Baby's heartbeat was a nice 130-ish, and I tried to drown out my self doubt by watching Fear Factor. The resident came in and after a quick exam reassured me that all was as it should be, but that they wanted to monitor me a bit longer. She also wanted to do an ultrasound to check my fluid level- so I got to see my baby again. Baby is head down, and everything looks just as it should, B"H. They monitored me a bit longer, and eventually sent me home after a little OJ to ensure baby was reactive.

While the resident was checking me out on the U/S, I asked her what part of the baby was situated at the top of my tummy, just below my ribs where I was feeling the tightening- and it was a butt. Guess I was right yesterday morning when I was talking to AnonAbba, and I wasn't experiencing Braxton Hicks- but indeed a butt in the ribs.

William "Bill" G****, My Poppa, z"l (April 9, 1924 - November 3, 2005)

2005-11-04T12:24:00.000-06:00

My maternal grandfather, my Poppa, passed away yesterday morning, around 10:15 a.m. The funeral is actually going on as I type, but as is Jewish custom, I'm not at the cemetary because I'm pregnant, BA"H.

My mom described Poppa in her eulogy as a sonuva bitch, and he was. When the doc in ICU was doing his neuro-exam to gauge Poppa's consciousness level he asked Poppa who the president is... Poppa's response was, "That schmuck?!" He'd beat you at cards with his eyes closed, and liar's poker was one of his favorite games- but he played with $100 bills. He loved his girls- told me he hopes I have a girl because a little girl is your little girl forever- but a little boy is only yours until he finds a wife. And he loved my grandmother. He really was ready to go two days ago- but it wasn't until my g'ma said it was time to transfer him to hospice... and then until she was by his side saying, 'rest... I'll be here,' that he finally allowed himself to pass. And he did so quietly, peacefully, and privately.

I woke up last night around 4:30am (not unusual these days), and I couldn't get a picture out of my head- one from when my sister was a newborn. The picture is a sepia-toned 3x5 of my Poppa laying on his back in the grass, holding my infant sister over his head and they're both laughing. When I got to the funeral home this AM my grandmother said that Poppa looks very good- I tapped my head and said, 'yes he does.' I hope that's the picture I'll always carry of him.

Chon Chashrat Mayim

2005-11-02T13:30:00.000-06:00

Last night I had occasion to go swimming in a pool. I tell you, it was amazing just being in the water- I hadn't realized the load I've been carrying around until it was lifted off my joints! The change has come about so gradually, that I honestly hadn't been conscious of the sheer weight, especially on my hip joints. This post doesn't do the sensation justice. I floated around a bit in the pool and even went in a non-heated jet pool for about 15 minutes- I only got out because I was so relaxed I very nearly fell asleep.

I am so much more inclined towards Hospital F now based on the fact that they have spa-tubs to labor in. I was always under the impression that water-births (where the baby is actually born underwater) were for the benefit of the baby in that the transition from the womb to the world would be easier if the baby were first brought into a medium more similar to the womb environment. I now understand that besides that benefit, being in water relieves so much weight and pressure from the woman's body, she is probably far more capable of relaxing and of directing energy towards pushing. Neither Hospital F nor Hospital E have actual birthing tubs, but after just a little while in the pool, I would seriously consider a water birth if only for that reason.

Rub Mah Belleh!

2005-11-01T09:10:00.000-06:00

Early in pregnancy the books and websites tell you to be prepared if someone should come up to you and touch your growing belly. Apparently, pregnant bellies are just about as cute as that which they contain, and people can't resist reaching out for a little pat, and it can be a bit alarming to have a random person's hand on your tummy.

Around 4.5 months, the first person reached out to my barely-showing bump- a friend from the neighborhood who I ran into at the grocery store. Since then, nobody. Nobody! What's not enticing about my big ole preggie bellie? I actually had to ask my best friend if she wanted to feel the baby kicking before she'd touch my belly. Of course, once she felt a kick or two she wanted to see if poking my side would elicit more kicks. It actually did- but from me, not from the baby. Those pokes hurt!

Anyways, I kinda wish my family and friends were reaching out for my belly. I am certainly thankful that the random bubbie in the Kosher aisle isn't giving me a rub for luck as if I'm the Apollo Tree of Hope, but I think I could handle a bit more 'public interest'.

Just in Time

2005-10-30T12:58:00.000-06:00

The permission to eat fish came just in the nick of time- AnonAbba is out on a fishing trip with my father today, and he just called to say he caught a 7-8 lb Steelhead. Anyone know how to cook fresh trout?

Medical Feng Shui

2005-10-29T22:55:00.000-05:00

Admittedly, I've been watching the Sex and the City syndicated episodes on network TV- One recent rerun explained that Charlotte believes in dating feng shui- change your location, change your luck. So, in my case, change your provider and change your hospital of delivery, change your birth experience.

With my old provider, I had been slated to deliver at Hospital E. I spoke with many friends over yontif about their delivery experiences at Hospital E, and to my surprise, many of them didn't have the best experience. Until now, I had been under the impression that they were generally happy with the hospital. One friend explained that the morning after her C-section (with twins, nonetheless), a nurse had her sit in a chair in an effort to start getting her mobile- and left her there for four hours. She buzzed and buzzed for someone to come help her get back into bed, but nobody answered- and so there she sat. Another friend talked about how her baby was brought to her from the nursery the day after her C-section- because the nurses there couldn't get him to sleep. They explained to her that her well baby wasn't their concern, and they didn't have time to care for him- that she'd have to do it. When she later asked for help with breastfeeding, they again explained that they didn't have time. A third friend had to wait 45 minutes for an epidural, but was otherwise happy with the hospital. I haven't counted out the possibility of delivering there, in fact we're scheduled to tour Hospital E on Nov. 9. But with my old doctor, I wouldn't have had an option- they only deliver there.

Last Thursday, AnonAbba and I toured Hospital F- and loved it. They have LDRP rooms (labor, delivery, recovery & postpartum), meaning that when you arrive at the hospital, they check you into the room you will be in through your whole hospital experience. They have laboring spas for relaxation, birthing bars, birthing balls and other CAM (Conservative and Alternative Medicine) 'props' to assist in un-medicated birthing. Each room has a television, full stereo, DVD player and refrigerator, and aside for the crucifix on the wall, is quite warmly decorated. (No worries, they actually offered that they have a cover to go over the crucifix if we wanted. Guess it was AnonAbba's tzitzit that gave us away.) The nursery is in the same ward, next door almost- and most well babies room in. All procedures done on the baby are done in the LDRP room unless the parents request otherwise. Even AnonAbba, who is ordinarily quietly supportive of any of my preferences concerning birth, said that he felt a 180-degree difference between the last OB appointment and our visit to Hospital F.

On Friday, I had my first appointment with the new midwife. The nurse took my medical history- but actually paused halfway through to ask about my parents and how AnonAbba and I met. She wanted to know more about me than my blood pressure, and more about my family than our cancer risk. It was really wonderful. My midwife actually used to work at the practice my old doc was with. She left because she felt the doctors there would pressure her to move labors along by employing medications and intervention techniques, so I didn't have to explain where I was coming from so much. I basically mentioned my old doctor's name, and she shook a knowing nod and sighed a disappointed sigh. I told her that I realized I was defending my doctor to my friends and family, and that I no longer want to treat with someone I felt I was making excuses for. I really felt I could speak openly and confidently with the midwife, which was sorely lacking from my last doctor-patient relationship.

She talked to me a bit about their practice- they have three midwives and they have hospital privileges at both Hospital E and Hospital F. There are also three doctors in the practice, one of whom is on site at the hospital for each delivery (by state law, I believe). The midwives work on an on-call system, but my midwife said she tries to attend all of her patients’ births, if even for only a little while.

When a patient goes into labor, the midwife actually talks to you a number of times throughout labor. They help you spend the majority of your labor at home rather than sending you to the hospital before it’s truly necessary. Once it's time to go to the hospital, she explained that she generally beats her patients to the delivery room, and she stays with you through the entire labor and delivery process, through to a first successful breastfeeding session. They alert the doctor that a patient is going to the hospital in active labor, but the doc doesn't even come to the hospital unless, C"V, complications arise. Once delivery is imminent, the midwife calls the doctor, and they then come to the hospital. She said sometimes the doc pops in (no pun intended), but provided the delivery progresses normally the doctor doesn't get involved at all.

We talked about medication during birth, and she is decidedly on board for attempting a non-medicated birth. She even said that she certainly won't deny pain medication, but she'd try to be encouraging if I asked for drugs during a particularly vulnerable moment. If she sees that labor is nearing the end, or if my progress suggests that it won't be that much longer, she'll say so- and help me power (or relax) through a bit more. It may not be an approach that my friends want, but it's exactly what I'm looking for. I like the tough love approach, and I also appreciate the cheerleader approach- and I was able to tell her that. The most important thing that came from the meeting is me feeling like I had found someone interested in me as a person, more than as a patient, and someone I could talk openly with. I found an advocate.

We discussed some of the 'psaks' from my old doc, and she happily rescinded some of them. First of all, she said fish is fine in moderation- about twice a week, and avoid those which are high in mercury (most of which aren't kosher anyways, so no loss there). Splenda is back in the mix, though she advised to avoid Saccharine still. The occasional Diet Coke is fine. She took my measurements and listened to the baby's heartbeat- and told me the heart rate (140), which is something my old doc never did (I actually asked once, and she explained that she doesn't really count, just makes sure it sounds ok). The midwife even used lotion on the Doppler, rather than the cold blue-gel stuff. Little considerations like that are so nice! The whole appointment was over an hour! I've never spent so much time with my old doc- not even my first visit there, or the mid-term U/S appointment. I filled out the records transfer order on the spot, and went home feeling 100% better.

When I got home, I ate an entire package of lox and had a caffeine-free Diet Coke with dinner. It was officially the first time I ever giggled over Diet Coke.

Labor, Delivery and Taharat Hamishpacha

2005-10-27T23:27:00.000-05:00

I read a very powerful group blog called Mayim Rabim. The subtext of the title is "women's reflections on mikvah and taharat hamishpacha," and all the posts center around different aspects of T"H. This evening, Desde la Oscuridad posted a unique perspective well worth a read- T"H in light of childbirth and postpartum recovery.

Changing Doctors

2005-10-26T19:38:00.000-05:00

I had another prenatal check-up on Monday, and everything on paper looks real good, B"H. I only gained 1 pound in the 2 weeks since my previous visit... My doc asked what I did differently and I said, well, I've had no fewer than 6 4-course meals in the past 2 weeks, but I did walk to a friend's sukkah 2 1/2 miles away one day. She insisted there must have been something else different about my eating- surely I was hiding my low-gain secret from her- but alas, my body just likes to screw with my head sometimes. 2 years on Weight Watchers taught me that.

In discussing the food-laden yontif season with my provider, one of her responses was 'You don't have to eat at every function, and you don't have to eat that much, y'know..." I understand that theoretically, she's right- you really only need a couple ounces of kiddush and a kazait (about an olives-worth) of challah at each meal- but practically it just doesn't work that way. I think it's understood that the best one can hope for during Tishrei is to do as little diet-damage as possible, and I really feel like she doesn't really "get it".

As the appointment went on, I started to discuss developing a birth plan- and as soon as I said the words "birth plan", she kinda sat up straight, closed her eyes for a moment and sighed. She reassured me that there's no planning birth, that y'never really know how things will progress until you're in the moment. I assured her I was aware, but that I'd like to be able to lay out a few scenarios and my desires under each scenario. For example, owing to my fear of needles, I really don't want an IV as a matter of routine. Most of the recommendations I have about having a non-medicated birth include staying as mobile as possible, and with an IV I feel as if I've lost a hand- I don't think I'll feel comfortable enough to move around as much as I'd like if I have an IV in. I understand that circumstances may present themselves which would make an IV necessary, and I am fully prepared to have one should those conditions exist (has v'shalom). What I'm trying to avoid is arriving at the hospital and having an IV put in when there's no apparent need for one.

My doc started to tell me reasons I may need an IV, but neglected to realize I had just assured her I would accept one should it be indicated- but did not want an automatic IV. It didn't seem an option- as the conversation progressed, it became clear that my doctor is of the mindset of, 'don't worry your pretty little head- just show up and trust me. I'll take care of all your decisions for you.' This may work for some people- many of my friends really appreciate this approach- but it just doesn't work for me. I want to make decisions when I have the option, and I want a provider who will be an advocate for me when it comes to attempting a non-medicated childbirth. I don't feel I currently have one.

By the end of the appointment, my doc actually told me she felt I was making excuses about not taking her advice on eating, and that I was trying to be a victim- a martyr. That was pretty much it. Needless to say, I didn't make a future appointment.

So, here I am, 31 weeks pregnant (BA"H), and doctor-searching. I'm leaning more and more towards a midwife- What to Expect... explains the difference between physicians and midwives as such:

If you are looking for a practitioner whose emphasis is on you the person rather than you the patient, who will take extra time to talk with you about your feelings and problems, and who will be oriented toward the "natural" in childbirth, then a certified nurse-midwife (CNM) may be right for you... Although a CNM is a medical professional, she is more likely to treat your pregnancy as a human condition rather than as a medical one.

That is exactly what I'm looking for- someone who will treat my pregnancy as a normal, human experience rather than an unusual or dangerous condition, and who will approach the birth as a rite of passage rather than a medical event. I want a provider who will treat me, as opposed to one who is treating my pregnancy. So I believe I'm looking for a midwife. I have gotten a lot of very good support from my friends, and I've got a bunch of leads to follow up on- so I guess this is the 'project' I've been looking for to occupy my time!

One last story to share- At shul over yontif, someone asked me where I'm delivering, and I actually had to say, "I'm not sure yet." AnonAbba said that if anyone else asks me where I'm delivering, I should say, "I'm not sure- do you know of a good place?" The response would probably be along the lines of, "Well, who is your doctor?" To which we could respond, "I'm not sure- do you know of a good doctor?" I can only imagine the looks we would get.

Welcome to the Third Trimester

2005-10-22T23:55:00.000-05:00

On Thursday, DH and I stopped to pick up Matisyahu tickets, ordered a pizza and went home- I had had a very busy day at work, but nothing much out of the ordinary- Our commute home is about 40 minutes, and the two extra stops added about 15 minutes, again nothing out of the ordinary. But standing at the pizza shop, I actually had to sit down. By the time we got home, less than 5 minutes later, I curled up on the couch and just crashed. It felt as if I'd stepped on some type of energy black hole- and when I told my best friend this, she replied, 'welcome to the third trimester.' Yippie!

Yom Kippur 5766

2005-10-15T23:04:00.000-05:00

AnonAbba and I attend a very early and very fast minyan for the chagim. We start Shacharit on Yom Kippur at 6:55 am, and generally are at home in bed by 10:30 am, Mincha-Neila reconvened this year at 4:40, and we had to wait about 20 minutes before Ma'ariv 'cause we finished before zman kriat Shema. Last year, by the end of Musaf, I felt stripped bare- almost beaten down by the davening- and this is what brought me to t'shuvah. This year, I felt raw, vulnerable, exposed- just lighting candles.

The past year had been an awful year in my life- A lot of very wonderful, amazing things have happened, but a lot of terrible things have happened, also. AnonAbba lost his job last October, we suffered a miscarriage in January, and my grandfather (A"H) passed away in May. Yes, I'm very excited and grateful to be pregnant now, but the emotional chaos has been near entirely unexpected, and has really taken a toll on me of late. I entered Yom Kippur on the heels of what you all know now to have been a challenging week.

Many times when people are going through a difficult period, it's natural to look for the event or time which marks the end of the difficult period. Lately, I've been thinking that January marked the time where life would get a bit easier- A special project I'm involved in at work culminates in December, so things will be quieter there in January; and IY"H I will give birth in January meaning it's safe to expect a change in my emotional state, G-d willing it should be for the better. When you place an emphasis on a particular time as marking the end of a difficult period, it very much is a self-fulfilling prophesy. If you’re expecting bad things to happen, generally they do- and if you think you ought to feel good- generally you do.

Therefore, I’ve decided that January may mark the end of a lot of things going on right now- but Yom Kippur marks the end of my bad year. (And if not by Yom Kippur, then certainly by Hoshanna Rabba- y’know, the last-last chance for changing the decree.) Yom Kippur is the time I’ve been waiting for which signifies completion of difficult times, and as of today I expect only good things from here on out and I ought to feel good.

I Don't Eat in the Bathroom... Wait...

2005-10-13T21:41:00.000-05:00

Ever hear this one? "I don't eat in the bathroom, why should my baby?"

Couple of things:

1) Quilted Northern conducted a survey indicating that 11% of people actually do-
2) I had the following interesting (though I'm told not ironic) experience over Yom Kippur...

During Monday's prenatal check-up my OB said she'd put me at the top of the list of people to not fast- so my rabbi gave me a psak to eat b'shiurim (measures) as I needed to. I wanted to go to shul as much as possible, so I packed a supply of baggies, each containing one 'serving'. While at the shul, I really didn't want to eat where others could see me, even though I know everyone would have understood- so I went to the only fully private place I could- and ate in the bathroom.

Prenatal Yoga

2005-10-12T00:22:00.000-05:00

I don't know that I've mentioned it before, but I found an amazing studio whose entire focus is on the year surrounding pregnancy- they offer prenatal massage and yoga, childbirth education and comfort measure classes, bounce-back-from-baby post partum classes, breastfeeding clinics, moms-of-multiples support groups, infant massage and mom-and-tot yoga classes for new mothers and their infants. They offer pretty much anything an expectant or new mom could want. I'm enormously lucky to have discovered this hole in the wall studio, which is literally next to the train tracks in a warehouse-turned-loft building. I attend their Tuesday night prenatal yoga classes, and AnonAbba and my childbirth education classes are there, also.

I never really want to go to yoga- but every time I go, I leave feeling worlds better. I go not because I want to in the moment, but because I know if I do I'll be all the better for it- and I'm never let down. Tonight was no exception. The instructor likes to relate each class to a different theme (past themes include 'support', 'acceptance', etc.), and tonight's theme was 'truth'. The first 1/2 hour of the 1 1/2 hour class is usually spent with each participant introducing themselves and then speaking briefly about how the theme relates to them. Tonight, I said that the truth I have discovered about pregnancy is that every pregnancy's truth is different. There is no veridical or universal truth to pregnancy, each person's experience with each pregnancy will be wholly different than any other experience which precedes it.

My instructor started the class by reading a list of ‘truths’ she compiled- one of which really resonated with me. The gist of the truth is that negative emotions can’t have as much control of you if you recognize and identify them. In other words, knowing is half the battle. As simple as this idea is, as soon as she read this truth I felt more in control, more capable to cope with feeling sad. Recognize the negative emotion- don’t ignore or run from it, but don’t let it take you over, either. Give it respect, not control.

The next hour was one of the most therapeutic hours I’ve had all month. We sat for 10 minutes and just concentrated on breathing. It’s amazing how much falls away when you’re focused on directing your breath to your toenails, concentrating on lengthening your spine, balancing your body in a perfectly neutral position. Shavasana at the end of practice today was particularly elevating. I lay on my side feeling my baby move and just concentrated on letting everything fall away- the fog sinking to the background, directing light energy from my toes to my ears, and I arose out of practice, reset.

Today was better than yesterday. G-d willing, tomorrow will be even better.

Post-script: A deep, heartfelt thank you to everyone who have sent comments and also to those who have sent only good thoughts.

The Emperor Has No Clothes!

2005-10-12T00:16:00.000-05:00

When AnonAbba and I decided to start TTC (trying to conceive) near exactly one year ago, I prepared myself for the process to take a while- I mean, the average US couple TTCs for 6 months before conceiving and I had watched so many of the couples in our community experience infertility. I wanted to be prepared for what could (and in my mind, would) happen... And then I got pregnant on our first month out, B"H. What I didn't prepare myself for was the potential to lose a pregnancy once I had it. I now know that many people in my life have experienced miscarriage(s), but at the time they were all 'closeted'. So when I miscarried, it really threw me for a loop.

When we TTC'd the second time, B"H, we conceived again the first month out- but I was a little more gun-shy this time around. Once it became evident that the pregnancy was viable, I started preparing myself for the physical ailments which were sure to come- but they never did. I never once lost my lunch, I haven't had any back pain or sciatica (save the annoying knotted muscle near my sacroiliac joint), I've even managed to avoid swelling thus far, BA"H. What I didn't prepare myself was the emotional chaos which soon ensued- and it has thrown me for a loop.

I often feel like I'm screaming, 'The Emperor has no clothes!' when I talk about how pregnancy can feel. I don't think that all pregnancies are like this, remember I just said that the truth is that there is no universal truth. But it can be like this...

Send in the Clowns, Part II

2005-10-10T13:52:00.000-05:00

I had my 27-week check up this AM and found out I gained ANOTHER 10 pounds this past month. While my measurements are right on target (meaning that baby is growing appropriately), that brings my total weight gain to over 30 pounds now, and I still have 3 months to go. I knew I'd be gaining weight, but I am just so tired of feeling so bad about it.

My doc outright told me I’m eating too much, and not taking care of myself. I lost it. Totally lost it. Crying, everything. I explained to her that my whole freaking life I've been fat. I worked my @$$ off (literally) to get down to a healthy weight, losing 50 pounds, and was able to stay there for a whole TWO DAYS before getting pregnant, subsequently losing the pregnancy, just to get pregnant at the first opportunity thereafter- I have been on this damn rollercoaster for so long, I'm just tired!

She's really worried that I'm suffering from depression, and I can't say that I blame her. I feel like things at home have been stressful, and there's nothing more I can do about it- AnonAbba’s job is super precarious, and we are simply not making enough money as is, let alone how it would be with only my income- which then brings up the fact that in Jan. I'll be 6 weeks with NO income (FMLA is 12 weeks, but my job only pays for 6 with vaginal birth, 8 weeks for c-section). I've been trying to talk to my dad, but he says I should talk to my mom (she's in the health field and he feels like her medical knowledge will help more), but my mother is fond of telling me how I’m very sick and she's always thought I should be on Lithium (like THAT'S what I want to hear from my mother). I want a mother/father/parent- not another doctor- which is why I'm trying to talk to my dad, and it's getting harder and harder to do so when it feels like he's pushing me away from him- and moreover- towards something/one who I am afraid will only hurt me more.
My IRL friends often think I'm just being a baby or "can't hack it", or something. It's like I can't seek out help in the Jewish community for fear of embarrassing my family, I can't seek out help in the secular community because it's so hard to explain what the frum (religious Orthodox) lifestyle is like so that people truly appreciate the benefits and stresses which accompany it, and I can't seek out help in the professional community (as in a psyche-doc) because we really can't afford the extra $100 a week. And now my OB thinks I'm an overeater who doesn't self-care.

When I ended my 1st trimester, I started realizing I was cocooning (didn't talk to friends, family, and wasn't posting on my old-standby message board all that often, either), I wasn't keeping up my thoughts journal, I wasn't exercising and wasn't eating right- As soon as I realized that this was a perfect recipe for depression, I immediately made MAJOR changes. I posted a very raw emotional post on this blog (which is my thoughts journal), I posted on my message board and on 2 other pregnancy message boards in an effort to rejoin a community, I signed up for prenatal yoga classes each week, and I spent nearly $200 at the grocery store in fresh produce and good-for-me foods, and started planning/making healthy meals. I went out for a manicure and pedicure, and started taking better care of my skin- because when you look good you feel good, and taking time to pamper yourself is important, etc etc etc. When I started to realize that AnonAbba and my problems weren't going away, and were escalating, I signed us up for counseling- and when the counselor recommended a book for me to read in connection with our fights, I read it cover to cover in 2 days- highlighter in hand. My OB gave me specific instructions on what to eat and what not to eat, and I've followed each one absolutely to a T since the day we TTC'd, quit smoking cold turkey, all of it... and yet, I'm still presenting as someone who does not take care of myself. What more am I to do? This blessed self-care has been exhausting, and it's not even registering!

She said that 10% of all women experience some degree of post-partum depression, and that she'd put me in the 'high risk' category, and that she wants to monitor me for depression during pregnancy, also. She mentioned Prozac and Zoloft, but I just don't know how I feel about meds for myself, let alone during pregnancy. I feel like I've been running away from depression my whole life, and no matter how hard I try to escape it, this stupid black cloud still finds a way to envelope me. She also mentioned finding a support group, and suggested Overeaters Anonymous... I swear, I'm SO not an overeater!!! I don't binge, I don't even have binging food in the house, and haven't for 3 years!! If I wanted to eat mindlessly, the only thing available to me right now would be cereal- and organic high-fiber cereal at that!

I just don't know where to turn. I have good days and bad days, but overall my situation is not great. I could really use any help anyone has to offer.

Belly Pics II: Week 27

2005-10-06T23:37:00.000-05:00

What to Expect When You're Expecting says I start the third trimester next week, BabyFit.com says this week... Either way, I'm due exactly 3 months from today- and today is AnonAbba and my 3-year anniversary. We'll be celebrating proper on the Hebrew anniversary date, Rosh Chodesh Cheshvan. Y'know, 'cause it won't be Tzom Gedalia.

Pregnancy Brains II

2005-10-06T22:20:00.000-05:00

Over Rosh Hashannah, we had a number of couples over for a very special dairy yontif lunch. I spent 4 hours Motzei Shabbat making up a menu I'm quite proud of, the centerpiece of which was Stuffed Salmon with potato, mushroom and dill cream stuffing.

Sitting at lunch, the salmon having made the rounds, I went to take a portion- and just at that moment remembered that my doctor told me not to eat any fish.

AnonAbba thought I was joking when I laughed about it at lunch- but it honestly had not occurred to me earlier than then.

Cloth Diapering Products and FAQ

2005-09-30T12:12:00.000-05:00

At this point, I don't know that I'm prepared to go this granola- but I'm interested in finding out more. I found a nice Cloth Diapering FAQ page here, and wanted to share.

Anyone reading this use cloth diapers? Why or why not, and what are your recommendations?

Potty Post

2005-09-29T21:08:00.000-05:00

I've been debating posting anything about micturition, but let's face it- the excretory events we expectant mothers endure (or lack thereof) play an intricate part of the whole pregnancy experience.

Pregnant women, I've found, basically always feel like they have to urinate. Men may be able to burp the alphabet or fart with the assistance of a tugged finger, but pregnant women can one-up them all. We can pee on command. When you feel like you have to pee all the time, you reach your threshold much faster. I owe my frequent bathroom visits to this phenomenon, but it's one of those rare truthful points in the conventional knowledge of pregnancy so at least I was properly prepared for this one. What nobody seems to mention, however, is that once you reach that threshold, you may not experience the sense of relief you expect. See, if your uterus is leaning just right, you may be lucky enough to have a slightly pinched urethra... meaning that no matter how bad you gotta go, it's only comin' out so fast... trickle trickle, and a full 3 minutes later you might feel like you're done.

I'm currently enjoying the Crate and Barrel mailer, and am looking forward to moving on to the new Ikea catalog.

Oh, not to make this post 100% TMI, but you've got to check these things out... I only wish they came in travel packs:

Apparently, Chivalry is for Chumps

2005-09-28T11:12:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I got on the train to meet AnonAbba at his office, and these two women (probably in their 40's) literally bumped me out of the way to get on the train first, and then took the last two seats available. At six months along (BA"H), do I not look pregnant to you?! I mumbled under my breath, 'sure- let's have the pregnant lady stand'. Apparently I did not mumble far enough under my breath because, while the guilty didn't flinch, the guy sitting behind them offered me his seat. I shook my head no, but he insisted. So, thank you anonymous kind man on the train.

As I sat there I started fantasizing about an ad campaign for the public transportation system- it'd have a picture of a pregnant lady carrying a shoulder bag standing next to a 30-something guy sitting down on the train, with a caption that reads, "Do you really need to sit down more than her?" Or there's be a picture of a guy using crutches with a caption that reads, "Would anyone else appreciate your seat?" Maybe a photo of a young mother carrying one child on her hips while holding a 6-year old's hand which reads, "How long has your day really been?" or an elderly gentleman and a caption that reads, "Reverence is a virtue".

All this just got me angrier and angrier. Why do we need to be reminded to consider the welfare of those around us? How many times do we walk down the street staring at the sidewalk 10 feet in front of us, never looking up to see if someone is lost and looking for directions? When was the last time we turned down a restaurant flyer by saying, "no, but thank you for offering", rather than simply making the talk-to-the-hand gesture? And the guy who sits on the corner holding a sign that says, 'hungry- please help'... When was the last time you offered him the extra apple you have in your bag?

Yom Kippur is coming, and while we have this opportunity to make things right by people we know personally, isn't it time we start making it right with the anonymous people we interact so casually with in everyday life?

A Bounty of Blessings

2005-09-26T11:13:00.000-05:00

I've noticed a difference in the way people in the Jewish community speak with a pregnant woman about her pregnancy than those in secular society do. When I speak with coworkers and people in secular society, I'm usually greeted with a slew of questions- when are you due, how do you feel, boy or girl, etc etc etc. Often I'll get the story of how their pregnancy was, how it was harder or easier, or how I could learn from their experience(s). I appreciate the stories, and know that people are interested and do sincerely care for my and my baby's wellbeing- but they demonstrate it through a mini inquisition and the empathy of shared experience, rarely actually verbalizing their good wishes.

When I speak with someone in the community, I'm immediately greeted with a blessing- "B'sha'ah tova", in a good time. Then come a couple questions- and each answer is followed by a blessing...

coversationalist: How are you feeling?

me: Baruch Hashem, very well, thank you.

coversationalist: Baruch Hashem, you should feel wonderful. When are you due?

me: Early January.

coversationalist: It should be b'sha'ah tova and you should have an easy birth. Do you know if it's a boy or a girl?

me: We know, but it's a secret.

coversationalist: You should have a healthy baby, a yireh shamayim!

Both approaches have their own flare, but there's no replacing an actually-verbalized blessing. There is a famous story of a very poor family who has one daughter of marriagable age. She is getting older and older, and her parents become increasingly concerned that she will not find a match. They approach their rav, who inquires as to whether the girl had a Shalom Bat when she was born. The parents explain to the rav that they barely had enough money to get by, and were unable to hold a Shalom Bat for their daughter when she was born. The rav tells the family to hold a Shalom Bat now, and the parents gather all their savings to hold a modest Shalom Bat- for a grown girl. The entire community comes to their home, wishing a mazel tov to the family, and wishing "torah, chuppa and ma'asim tovim" to the daughter. Within weeks following this rather unusual Shalom Bat, the daughter has found her b'sheret. The parents return to the rav and ask as to how this happened. The rav explained that at a Shalom Bat, each person bestows blessings on the new child, and these blessings are heard in Shamayim- each one a prayer. So many prayers Hashem cannot ignore.

So I have a new appreciation for my conversations with people in the Jewish community.

Send in the Clowns

2005-09-25T19:13:00.000-05:00

Baruch Hashem, I have had a relatively easy pregnancy as far as my physical symptoms go. Yes, I have some aches and pains, and I get tired easily, but (BA"H), I haven't thrown up once, I haven't had spirit-breaking cramps, and I haven't had debilitating migraines. I have, however, felt awful emotionally. So many days I just cry and cry, and I don't know when it will ever end. I feel alone, and I feel helpless. And then I feel guilty. I so truly am grateful for this pregnancy, and I so eagerly await the arrival of my child- IY"H, the first of many... But I also want to know why I feel so bad, and when it will end, because lately it feels like it never will.

I'm so not a crier. I mentioned that earlier, I think. And this is not an experience I am well-equipped to handle. I don't puke often, either, but I know how to handle it- I went to college, after all. But crying? Sadness? Lonliness? I just don't know where to go with it, especially considering that in some way, it means that my body is doing exactly what it's supposed to do- circulate massive amounts of baby-growing hormones.

As much as I can self-care, I really want someone to take care of me. I want to be the baby for a while- be cradled to sleep, to have my hand held even when I try to pull away, there are some days I even want my clothes laid out for me- just so I don't have to decide for myself. And I really don't care how selfish that makes me.

I feel like some sort of victim. All of this is happening to me, and there's not a damn thing I can do about it- And my thoughts continually circle around to two questions: when is this going to stop, and why the hell didn't anyone tell me this would happen earlier? When people say that pregnant women are irrational, emotional, etc., they are describing the "outside" or peripheral experience- what it is to be around a pregnant women. Nobody seriously discusses the experience of emotional chaos from a pregnant woman's perspective! I don't consider myself naive, but this time around, I am decidedly an unwitting subject. When I was pregnant the first time, so were most of my married friends- and now I'm the only one, craving some sort of apparently elusive solidarity with women in my same situation. And I'm increasingly aware that I'm doing this utterly alone!

Link Dump

2005-09-18T12:05:00.000-05:00

I'm on my way out, but I just found a great article that I want to review later, and want to share with the 4 people who read my blog... Fasting and Pregnant on Yom Kippur.

PC Load Letter- What the F@&% Does That Mean?!

2005-09-17T19:55:00.000-05:00

So this past week I've been on my 2nd of two business trips, this time to St. Paul/Minneapolis. I must start off by giving kudos to the Twin Cities community for an excellent kosher supermarket/deli/restaurant, Fishman's Kosher Market & Deli. While they unfortunately were unable to deliver to my hotel in St. Paul (they were a $30 cab ride away, actually!), their mousse cakelettes were WELL worth the taxi ride over.

As I mentioned earlier, my trip revolved around teaching my company's new software to the office and regional managers and their lead support person(s). Last trip, I was being trained- and this time around I was on the other side of the podium. As if teaching my bosses and their bosses- and their bosses- wasn't stressful enough, this time I would also be 2 months more pregnant. I planned carefully before each of my 2-hour training sessions, had a bottle of water and 2 tums at the ready, made sure I had eaten close to the start time- but not directly before, and made my last minute bathroom run each time. What I failed to take into account about presenting a relatively long session while pregnant is air supply. When you present to a group in a large room you need to project your voice. So, I'm trying to move more air- with less lung. My first presentation started trying to go computer to computer helping people log in to the new software, and after several unsuccessful tries, announcing that there was obviously a problem with the temporary logins. While trying to explain this, I found myself out of breath akin to my smoking days- and all I could do was pause, breathe, and laugh at myself- thankfully, everyone else laughed with me.

It's amazing what people will forgive you when you're pregnant. I was thinking today that it's too bad I don't want to get away with something- 'cause now would be the time to capitalize on it; Cry my way out of parking tickets, huff-and-puff my way out of carrying heavy bags from the supermarket, and continually excuse myself to the bathroom during boring business meetings.

There's some amazing stuff I learned about business trips. I think I always romanticized biz travel before, thinking how cool it must be to jet off to cities country wide for important meetings dressed in sharp dry-clean-only clothes... truth be told, it was kind-of exciting. But I can also see how it would get very old, very fast. It's also exhausting! The work day was actually 8-5, but we as trainers had to set up the rooms at 7am, and there's no talking to me before my coffee so that meant leaving the hotel at 6:30 am. Following the 5pm quitting time, there was about an hour to go over that day's progress and to discuss the next day's schedule, at which point we went back to the hotel, changed clothes (into other biz casual clothing) and went out for a "casual and relaxed" dinner with the whole group. Let me tell you- dining with the three people who hold your daily life's ease or pain at their whim is anything but casual or relaxing.

I must've had no fewer than 5 Shirley Temple's during my stay in St. Paul, as it seems the bars have a grudge against blenders (virgin strawberry daquiri's are my pregnancy drink of choice). So, while I technically only worked 9-hour days, I was ON 24 hours a day for 3 1/2 days. I did learn something valuable about casual conversation between colleagues- If someone excuses themselves to the bathroom, the conversation ends. And there's no need to hold on to points you want to bring up in conversation- by the time you get to say it, there's a good chance the conversation has moved on and your point is no longer relevant. Why is this important? It's not, but let's face it- neither are casual conversations between colleagues.

Overall, I had a very productive trip, made a very good impression on some very important people, and most importantly- I'm home. Baby knows we're home, too- I felt fewer movements while I was away, but the moment the plane started taxi'ing to the gate, the baby started kicking again. It's a wonderful, reassuring feeling.

Otherwise Intelligent Women

2005-09-09T14:24:00.000-05:00

I don't understand why women who have been pregnant for 20+ weeks (BA"H) and are constantly on pregnancy websites, reading articles and books and posting on community discussion boards still don't know that minor ailments won't hurt their baby. I'm not sure if people end their posts saying "I'm scared for my baby" in order so that others will feel sorry for them, or to ensure a response to the post, but if that's the case I think there are some major codependency issues there. Moreover, I can't believe they truly are scared for their baby- I mean, it's not pleasant to puke, but it happens, and just 'cause you lose your lunch doesn't mean your baby is in danger. Or, what about the "I fell down! Should I go to the ER?!" posts- and no, I'm not exaggerating. Lady, tripping on the last stair and smacking your knee hard on the carpeted floor below is going to hurt your knee- not your baby.

Belly Pics

2005-09-08T09:22:00.000-05:00

They're not the best pics, but at least I wanted to document where I am right now.

I'm officially 23 weeks tomorrow, starting my 6th month. I don't really feel like time has flown by, and D-day does still feel far off in the future. It feels pretty, well, normal to be pregnant now. It doesn't feel weird to ask someone to help me move a heavy box of files at work, and I don't really have to strategize so much as to the best possible placement for my one serving of caffeine each day. I still miss smoking, but as I'm getting over this pesky cold, inhaling smoke isn't the most appealing proposition right now. I really miss fish, but I don't fantasize about baked salmon fillets and fish sticks so much any more- I'm pretty much resigned to it.

There are both benefits and drawbacks to not planning for baby pre-birth. A lot of my online message-board buddies are starting to stress about setting up their nursery, painting and whatnot. AnonAbba and I have developed our theme and we've mapped out how we're going to go about enacting that theme, but not one bristle from a paintbrush, nor one spot of marker will hit those walls until (BS"T) the baby is born. So in one way, I don't feel the pressure to get everything ready. I am, in essence, forced to put it out of my mind and concentrate on the feelings of pregnancy. On the other hand, I've found myself quite bored lately. Pregnancy is a pretty passive endeavor. There's a whole lot of stuff I have to be aware and conscious of at any given moment, but there's not a lot of stuff I have to actually do. Nature and Hashem take care of most everything right about now, and having faith doesn't really take up too much time. So, seeing as I'm very excited about our design, I'd love to be able to get started on it.

I've started a registry, but even that doesn't take so much time- You go to the store for a couple hours on a couple of Sundays, scan a bunch of stuff, and wait. Doctor's appointments, while often, are only 15 minutes long. There's not a whole lot to do. I'm awaiting a comment from a well-meaning mother of many (BA"H) who will advise me to sleep, watch TV, and generally do nothing as often as possible, because the opportunity to do so will be in short supply once the baby is born. I'm not arguing with the wisdom of mothers, but lately I find myself really wishing the baby was here so that I'd have something to do! And many friends of mine have strongly suggested going on one last vacation fling just AnonAbba and me, since we won't have the opportunity later- but what exactly would we do? Go to New York City and not smoke, drink and stay out all night? Go to Vegas, and not hire a hooker, or go to Amsterdam and not enjoy all that the coffeeshops have to offer? Now tell me, what kind of vacation would that be?

There also comes a time where the milestones start to slow down. In the beginning, it seems there's a new milestone around every corner- 2 weeks, confirm pregnancy. 6 weeks, see a heartbeat via ultrasound. 10 weeks, hear a heartbeat. 12 weeks, announce to family. 14 weeks, finish first trimester. 19 weeks, mid-term ultrasound. 22 weeks, baby is half-term. From this point forward, the next milestone is entering the third trimester in week 28, and then "full term" at 37 weeks, followed by (IY"H) D-day. These milestones may seem insignificant, but when all you're doing is waiting, milestones take on new value.

Book Report: Your Pregnancy Week by Week

2005-09-05T20:30:00.000-05:00

Over the past 22 weeks I've been reading a number of books, this being one of them. Your Pregnancy Week by Week is organized in 6-7 page chapters, one for each week of the pregnancy. Each week gives a couple paragraphs on changes going on with the baby, changes going on with the pregnant mom-to-be, and then spends 2-3 pages covering other topics of potential interest to the pregnant woman. Therein lies the problem. Potential interest does not mean necessary relevance, and the fact that each week you get a taste of potentially interesting information means that if in week 11 you have a question about the difference between doulas and midwives, you have to wait until week 19 to read about it. One chapter spends it's entire 'Things You Should Know' section talking about the different dispensations made for women in various branches of the US Military. While I'm sure that many women in the service are grateful for this insight, my guess is that about 80% of the women reading this book are not in service, and that the remaining percentage are quite aware of their particular branch's regulations and allowances by the time the book discusses them.

The index would rectify this rather large downfall for the book, if it were comprehensive. This past week I've had a cold which AnonAbba was generous enough to share with me, and when I attempted to find any information about runny nose, sore throat, sinus pressure and coughing in the book, the index failed me. I thought I was on to something when I saw a listing for 'infections, viral', but it turned out to be a section on measles, mumps and chicken pox. By the way, for those of you who didn't know, all three can be bad if you get 'em while pregnant.

The kicker really came in when I tried to find information about labor and delivery, as I'm actively trying to develop some semblance of what type of birth I envision. There is no section on labor and delivery. There is no section on birth plan, there is no section on breastfeeding techniques, and there is no section on the postpartum period. While the book does go to week 41, the chapter is 3 pages long and only briefly discusses what can be summed up in two sentences: It's not uncommon to go over the due date. Your doctor may perform some additional tests. Perhaps the authors were planning a sequel: Your Labor and Delivery, Contraction by Contraction. I'm sure it would be equally disappointing.

Overall, the book is good for the three paragraphs at the beginning of each week which describe the baby's development and the changes in the mother's body, including measurements. However, the same information can be found on a myriad of free online websites. Risking TMI, I keep it in the bathroom- at the very least it's better than Reader's Digest!

Barefoot and Pregnant in the Kitchen

2005-09-05T20:00:00.000-05:00

I used to live in a very, shall we say, progressive Modern Orthodox community where many twenty- and thirty-somethings lived, all 21st Century yuppies. It was here I was first introducted to the tounge-in-cheek sentiment that a good Jewish wife should be barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen. Proliferated by the masters- and doctorate degree holding women of the community, I think there was a part of each of us that truly wanted just that, if even only after our 60-hour work weeks concluded.

I remember one Shavuot at my best friend's house. Both ABD (all-but-dissertation) doctoral candidates in psychology, her and her husband's annual tradition is to host the further right-leaning men of the community for an all-night mishmar in their dining room while she cooks and bakes up a dairy storm, poking her head in every once in a while to add her learned two cents. This particular year, she had only weeks before announced her first pregnancy, and she'd pause every once in a while and laugh to herself. I finally asked her what was so funny, and she proudly announced, 'I'm pregnant, barefoot and in the kitchen!'

This is how I spent my labor day weekend. Just like a good Jewish wife should- baking cookies and scrubbing the floor, barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen.

22 Weeks

2005-09-02T14:07:00.000-05:00

Somehow, I breathe a sigh of relief today. Babies have been known to survive with medical assistance when born at 22 weeks, and judging from the kicks and jabs this kid's doling out on my abdomen, I'd say we've got a fighter on our hands. Baruch Hashem!

From Babyfit.com

Age of Fetus—20 weeks

Your baby is able to pick up and react to more stimuli. For example, music, sudden loud noises, or vibrations from a bus ride can stir your baby into activity. If your baby is a boy the testes will have started to drop.

Other changes that are happening:

Your baby's brain is growing rapidly and will continue to grow for the next five years.

Though your baby is gaining important amounts of fat, he or she is still very lean at 1% body fat.

The baby's eyelids are making blinking movements though they are still fused shut.

Size: About 7.6 inches

Weight: Approximately 12.5 ounces

Right now your baby is about the size of a child's mini Nerf football.

Nursery Theme

2005-08-31T14:57:00.000-05:00

For about a month now I've been picturing a very particular type of nursery theme. I picture simple black-outlined line drawings on a white background, with solid color accents. This site has a good example of the type of style I'm shooting for.

Well, after searching all over the internet, shopping at Target and Babies R Us, and talking to a bunch of my newly parent friends, I've decided that I conjured the pattern up, and it doesn't exist outside of my head. So we're going to bring it into existence.

We're going to paint the (now-white) walls of the room destined (IY"H) to become a nursery with black line drawings of different scenes, like a barn scene will have a cow with "moo" written over it's head and little piggie with "traif" written over it's head, a band scene will have a guitarist, drummer, keyboardist, saxophone player (we're big music lovers/musicians), a city scene will have skyscrapers and a park, and cars and trucks, emergency vehicles, etc etc... DH also has always wanted a blue firetruck, so that's definitely going on the wall. A Shabbat table with a bourbon bottle lying on it's side, y'know, kid themes.

All the drawings will be simple black outlined line drawings, and then we'll fill in the colors with flat color- like the entire pig will be a simple pink, the dog will be a simple brown, etc... The crib bedding will be solid bold colors, red, blue, yellow, green, etc.

To bring the theme into the room and off just the walls, we're going to paint on the furniture the same way, on the clothes drawers it'll have little shirts, pants, skirts, etc., and on the garbage can it can have construction scene, or something like that... My mom even said she'd consider embroidering decorative window treatments if we made the pattern for her.

So excited!!

Baby Likes Fanta, Too!

2005-08-26T13:19:00.000-05:00

This kid is kicking me all over the place today! In the last five minutes or so, I've felt no less than 10 good pops near my belly button, on my waistline, towards my right hip, and I swear, tap dancing on my bladder. I guess baby digs the Fanta, too!

An Angel's Mercy

2005-08-23T09:48:00.000-05:00

It is said that every baby is taught all of Torah by an angel in the womb, and at the moment of birth, the angel taps the baby on the upper lip just below the nose and the baby forgets everything he/she has learned.

I think a similar thing happens to mothers. All of this embarrassing and uncomfortable stuff happens during preganancy (burping, farting, nausea, headaches, dizziness and tripping over lint, etc.), and at the moment she holds her baby for the first time, an angel taps her on the head and she forgets all of the not-so-nice stuff that happened over the last nine months.

So that angel better be lugging a baseball bat to my delivery!!

Mid-Term Ultrasound Pics

2005-08-23T07:28:00.000-05:00

Pregnancy Brains

2005-08-19T09:55:00.000-05:00

I just went to Starbucks to get my morning/daily coffee, and a very nice lady pointed out to me that I had the size sticker still stuck to the back of my new pants. I've been walking around for an hour and a half with "large, large, large, large" written down the back of my leg!

Knock, knock...

2005-08-10T17:59:00.000-05:00

Today, I've been feeling little pops from inside, little jabs that seem to say, 'Hey! You eating the Thai pasta salad! Keep it coming!' or, 'SSSSUUUUGGGAAAAARRRRRR!!! Bring on the Starbucks!'

Basically, for the record, it feels like little bubbles popping in my abdomen which are not followed by flatulence shortly thereafter.

Ailment Update

2005-08-10T17:46:00.000-05:00

A couple weeks ago I felt some shooting pain up the back of my fourth and fifth fingers on the left hand when I applied pressure to the back of my palm. So, I have been avoiding putting pressure on the back of my left hand. The doc says it's not uncommon during pregnancy to have swelling which puts pressure on nerves and causes pain.

For the last couple weeks or so, my bottom has started hurting. It kinda feels like I've been balancing on the edge of a seat for an extended period of time, when I've actually been sitting on a well-cushioned ergonomically correct office chair. The longer I sit, the more it hurts when I stand up. Oddly enough, so long as I stay seated, it doesn't hurt.

Every once in a while when I shift positions, bend over or use my stomach muscles to balance in odd positions, I get a variety of different pains, stretches, cramps and unique sensations- some downright painful, some simply 'interesting'.

Today, it seems every way I move holds the potential for an ache, pain or uncomfortable sensation.

Last Friday or Saturday, my thumb started hurting where the finger actually joins the palm of my hand- and it didn't get better throughout the day... and on Monday morning, I put the palm of my hand on the bed and pushed myself onto the floor only to have my entire hand and wrist pulse with pain. I got the same quality (but different quantity) of pain throughout the day whenever I put pressure on the heel of my hand or stretched my wrist at the end range of motion on flexion or extension. The ladies in my training sessions shook their heads knowingly and said, 'carpal tunnel syndrome- I had to wear a brace throughout my pregnancy. The day after I delivered, it vanished.' Oh, fun!

Uh, oh! Looks Like Someone has a Case of the Mondays!

2005-08-08T17:42:00.000-05:00

So, I'm on an business trip not so far from home, but far enough to necessitate me staying overnight in a hotel- away from AnonAbba and my kitty. I'll be gone until Friday afternoon, and this will be the longest time we've gone without seeing each other since we met.

So far the training sessions have been very productive, and my pregnancy is all the rave- By coincidence or otherwise, all the other participants are women, so they're kind of cooing over my belly, asking about plans, giving unsolicited advice (which so far has been more cute than imposing), and generally reminiscing about their own pregnancies, some of which were in the last year, and some of which were a full generation ago. I'm quite the novelty, it seems.

However, I am lonely at the same time. It's very odd being away from AnonAbba, and as pathetic (or endearing) as it may sound, I missed him as early as two hours after I left home. The one consolation I do have, however, is that the baby has come with me- and there's some comfort in feeling companioned. I have my own little silent conversations with my baby when I'm feeling nervous, I tell the baby about what AnonAbba is writing in email, and other such nonsensical thoughts. And when I need a hug, I hug the baby.

Maybe I'm starting to catch a glimpse of the Earth Goddess Fantasy... bli ayn hara!

It Takes a Village

2005-08-05T09:19:00.000-05:00

AnonAbba and I have been discussing names, and I’m looking for feedback from anyone with more Hebrew knowledge than I- which is, pretty much, everyone.

This is my second pregnancy, the first unfortunately ended in miscarriage in January of this year. There was no real scientific or medical explanation for the miscarriage, and I'm of the belief that nothing happens for no reason- that if science can't discern why something happened, it must be for a spiritual reason. I personally believe we were not yet at the right spiritual level to welcome a new neshama into this world, and Hashem wanted us to take a closer look at ourselves before we had someone else fully in our charge. Question that as you may, it's my belief.

Therefore, as I think about this pregnancy in the shadow of deep personal introspection, I'm grateful for what I view as a second chance. I'm looking for a name that will reflect that sentiment- the kind of idea that Hashem is patient, and that He will give you chance after chance to 'get it right', so to speak.

I would appreciate help in this endeavor- I really feel there's a Ruach HaKodesh trying to emerge here.

Say Shema Today

2005-08-03T09:18:00.000-05:00

Today (Wednesday, August 3) at 1 PM Central Time join Jews around the world in saying a simultaneous shema.

"SHEMA" PRAYER TO BE RECITED
WORLDWIDE WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 3, 2005
WATCH THE KOTEL ONLINE AT: http://www.aish.com/wallcam/

On Wednesday, August 3, 2005 (erev 28 Tammuz), when it's exactly 9pm at The Western Wall, the kotel, in Jerusalem, join every Jew around the world in the most central phrase said in Judaism: the Shema prayer. Saying the first verse takes 10 seconds.

Sh'ma Yisrael Adonai Elohaynu Adonai Echad.
Hear, Israel, the Lord is our God, the Lord is One.

Find the complete shema and hear it here:
http://www.jewfaq.org/prayer/shema.htm

The more voices, the better. May Moshiach come speedily before Tisha B'av.

Find your local time corresponding with 9pm Jerusalem time.
U.S. East Coast: Wed 2:00 PM
U.S. Central: Wednesday 1:00 PM
U.S. West Coast: Wed 11:00 AM
Amsterdam: Wed 8:00 PM
Anchorage: Wed 10:00 AM
Athens: Wed 9:00 PM
Baghdad: Wed 10:00 PM
Bangko: Thu 1:00 AM
Beijing: Thu 2:00 AM
Buenos Aires: Wed 3:00 PM
Frankfurt: Wed 8:00 PM
Johannesburg: Wed 8:00 PM
Melbourne: Thu 4:00 AM
Mexico City: Wed 1:00 PM
Montreal: Wed 2:00 PM
Nassau: Wed 2:00 PM
New Delhi: Wed 11:30 PM
Paris: Wed 8:00 PM
Riyadh: Wed 9:00 PM
Shanghai: Thu 2:00 AM
Click here for more locations

Time Suck

2005-08-02T15:18:00.000-05:00

If you're at this blog, you're probably looking for a good waste of time. Enjoy the following links.

Baby Name Wizard. Thousands of names, hours of fun.

Pink, butchered. For those of you looking for time sucks at work, beware- you'll need sound to fully appreciate this one. Sound and liquor.

Behind the Name. Type the name, get the meaning. And origin. And language, and pronunciation, variations, gender, etc.

Chinese Lunar Calendar. Fool yourself into thinking you can tell if it's a boy or a girl based on age during conception month.

**UPDATE**
Here's actually a semi-educational time suck: An interesting article from Haaretz regarding names, particularly in the shtachim (settlements).

Quickening?

2005-08-01T09:10:00.000-05:00

My friends all say that when I feel the baby, I'll know it's the baby... but I really don't know if I'm feeling the baby or not! SW says she felt the baby at 15 weeks; ST (who had twins on my birthday) said she didn't feel the babies until 20 weeks. The friend of a friend whom I ate with this past Shabbat is pregnant with twins (and she also has a son, BA"H), and she said she hasn't felt the babies yet.

I've definitely been physically aware of the baby's presence for some time now. In the first couple weeks, maybe weeks 7-12, I felt little roving cramps which weren't as sharp as menstrual cramps. My books say this was early uterine contractions and stretching sensations. In the last 4 weeks or so, I've felt stronger and sharper jolts, more akin to menstrual cramps, mostly when I stretch or twist in relatively awkward positions. The books say this is most likely 'round ligament pain' arising out of the stretching and reorientation of the round ligaments supporting the growing uterus. A change in position or cessation of the stretch alleviates the pain immediately, so I haven't been concerned.

In the last two to three weeks or so, I've also noticed an internal hardening of the bulge below my bellybutton- particularly if I lay on my stomach. It feels as if someone put a small nerf football behind my skin. I also feel this 'firmness' when I lean forward while my legs are crossed or when I squat down.

On Friday I felt, on numerous occasions throughout the day, kind of an internal 'twitching' sensation left of center approximately 4 1/2 inches below my bellybutton. It occurred to me that this was exactly mirror the placement of the Doppler where the doctor found the baby's heartbeat at my last prenatal appointment. The sensation repeated itself a good handful of times throughout the day, and by the time Shabbat came in, I no longer felt it.

Yesterday, while shopping for a new computer desk with AnonAbba, I felt kind of a vibration-type sensation along the center line approximately 3 inches below my bellybutton. The sensation repeated itself about two hours later, but subsided for the rest of the evening.

Poppa Says...

2005-08-01T09:08:00.000-05:00

My poppa asked me if I know if we're having a boy or girl yet- and said he's hoping I have a girl. When asked why, he said, "Because a little girl is your little girl forever- but a little boy is only yours until he finds a wife."

My prayer is for my Poppa to be the sandek at my son's bris- and that this baby is a girl... because then he'd have to stick around for a second great-grandchild to be born.

180

2005-08-01T08:53:00.000-05:00

2 weeks ago was horrible. It was the first week back from a week long vacation in the wilderness of Pennsylvania, which predisposed it to being terrible, complete with work, home, family and health concerns. Add to that my first real taste of bonified pregnancy moodiness.

Last week started as an echo of the previous week, with work issues culminating in a difficult and scary 'conversation' with my boss (It's never good when your boss starts a sentence with, 'If you value your job, you'll...'). However, on Tuesday I got to see my Poppa, who Baruch HaShem, looks quite good. He has lost a considerable amount of weight, but he's all Poppa- asking AnonAbba about his job, tossing in the random Yiddish call to my G'ma and prompting me for information about the baby. Thursday was filled with a long-extended 'lunch' 'hour' shopping downtown, and Friday ended with my boss indicating that he'd soon be informing me of a bonus I'm receiving. Not too shabby.

I guess I'm starting to feel that long-awaited contentment with preganancy. I'm still very self-conscious about how large and round I've gotten so quickly, but then I run into my in-laws' machatanim who say I look exactly where they'd expect me to look- (her words exactly were, "are you still on your diet, you look wonderful!") Reaching out to the women on the message boards at APA and BabyFit has really been therapeutic. I also had Shabbat lunch with a friend of a friend who is due with twins a week before me. I don't know if it's a misery-loves-company kinda thing, but talking with other people who are experiencing the same excitements and anxieties is quite comforting, and I hope I can remember not to hole up again like I did two weeks ago.

The Earth Goddess Fantasy Fairytale

2005-07-26T10:12:00.000-05:00

I don't know who promised it to me, but I have always had this vision of pregnancy:

Once upon a time, you will get pregnant. It won’t be difficult, you will simply look in your husband’s eyes, fall into a cloudy down bed, make love and conceive. You will grow round and beautiful! Your hair will grow thick and float on the wind, your nails will glimmer in the sunlight and your skin will be as smooth as fresh cream. Your husband will be awestruck by your magnificent femininity! He will shower you with loving affections, caress your feet and stand amazed by your round, rich beauty. Overcome with love and respect, you can do no wrong in his eyes. During the day, you will plan a nursery, complete with the softest blankets and most delicate furniture- money will not even enter the picture, and your home will magically expand to hold all that you are about to receive. As evening falls and you fall serenely into a wide bed drifting easily to sleep, visions of infants laughing will fill your dreams. Spiritually you will experience complete elevation. A more intimate time with G-d, you will never know. Emotionally, you will be completely at peace. Constantly companioned, you will never know loneliness- and imbued with a divine, holy purpose (to bring a child into this world), you will feel truly fulfilled.

This is what I signed on for- but lately, I'm thinking I missed some fine print on the contract...

Cry Me a River...

2005-07-25T14:19:00.000-05:00

I'm not a crier. The last time I cried before this pregnancy was at the end of my previous pregnancy. Literally, the day of my D&C was the last time I had a real cry. Some tears fell at my grandfather's funeral in May, but even then, I couldn't find it in me to actually cry-cry. I express my emotions in other ways, crying generally just isn't one of them.

And I'm sitting at my desk right now- literally in tears. I can't go on working like this! I think I know why I'm crying: Frustrating and unavoidable situation at work, an ailing grandfather whom I've been forbidden from seeing, countless changes taking place at home in preparation for the end of our DINK lifestyle, and lack of nutritious food. But it's not like those things don't go on all the time! This is neither the first, nor the most serious bout with illness and rehabilitation my Poppa has had; This is not the first work shift, though it may be the most permanent I've experienced with this company; DH and I have moved before, and rearranged our furniture, etc, many many times- and with shorter notice than this (last year, we found and bought our condo and moved within 4 months of deciding to do so); and it's not like I haven't been hypoglycemic and used to blood sugar drops my whole life. So what is it?!

Where is my feel-good second trimester? All I can think of now is, make it stop! Give me back my control of my emotions, my command of my faculties, my energy and my get-up-and-go. I fear I will never be the same again.

I Can't Wait to be a Mother Because...

2005-07-22T09:18:00.000-05:00

There's a lot that comes along with being a mother, but here are some of the less obvious benefits I've looking forward to:

I will always have baby wipes on hand. They're amazing little things, baby wipes. Perfect for wiping your hands after eating an orange, spot cleaning a drip of food on your khaki pants, cleaning the coffee that spilled in the cup holder of the car, etc.
I won't have to fit everything into my small purse anymore. I'll always have a bag big enough to carry around a book, a 24-oz water bottle, my hard-sided glasses case, my wallet, cell phone, PDA, sunglasses, keys, tissues, makeup and a granola bar.
I won't have to carry around all my shopping bags. I can stick them in the bottom of the stroller!
If I don't want to stay on the phone anymore, or if I don't want to go out or have people over, I can always explain, "The baby has been a bit restless- I need to stay with him/her tonight." or, "I've got to run, I hear the baby waking up from a nap."
I have good reason to get (and watch) Hebrew children's programs on DVD. I learned so much Hebrew from watching Telletubbies when I was in Israel over the summer!
People can no longer say, "You'll understand when you have kids."

Is it me?

2005-07-07T13:41:00.000-05:00

Lately I feel like I have arguments with all of my close friends. Even when I know it's because I'm edgy or short with patience, it doesn't make it any better- because I can't stop acting edgy and short on patience. My friends end up taking the brunt of it.

There are also times when I am so ultra sensitive, it seems that anything anyone says to me in any way will make me unsure of myself. Did he mean that straight-forward or is he being passive-aggresive? Did she say that in earnest or sarcastically? Did I piss that person off, or are they truly just busy, lacking time to listen to me rant about how I'm worried I pissed them off?!

I get so excited about stuff- and then totally crash. I think I was most probably on a sugar-high yesterday afternoon, and by 4:00, I was begging AnonAbba to leave work early so I could go home and sit all by myself. But today, I was in a great mood, and one little mis-read lead to a poor phone conversation, followed up by a potentially poor IM, and finally with this ridiculous post!

I feel like I'm back in high school- always unsure of myself, convinced everyone around me was staring at how assinine I look, act and generally am. It seems so ironic- the people who are probably the least noticeable are convinced that EVERYone sees their every fault- and that's me right now.

I hate it, and I hate it more that my friends have to endure it.

Umbilical Cord Blood Donation

2005-07-07T13:08:00.000-05:00

I have long been troubled by the halachic prohibition against being an organ donor- ever since I learned of it, actually. (In looking for a good link discussing the prohibition, I actually have come across myriad links discussing the permissibility of donating organs.) That debate aside, one type of donation is indisputably accepted as halachically permissible: Umbilical cord blood donation.

AnonAbba and I have decided to donate our baby’s cord blood at delivery- but the question until now was, to whom? Now, every time I log on to any pregnancy website or open any pregnancy magazine, there are hundreds of ads for private cord blood banks costing upwards of $1700 for collection, and $100 per year for storage thereafter! For blood that may or may not be useful to you or your children! Try finding information about donating your cord blood, and you’ll be lucky to come across a single reputable site.

Most of the research I was doing brought up the question of availability- as in, not all hospitals offer cord blood collection services, let alone being set up for donation (as opposed to private banking). I came across an article mentioning that states are passing laws that “require that hospitals offer pregnant women the chance to donate their umbilical cord blood for medical treatment or research.” I looked up the law and actually called the sponsoring lawmaker’s office find out if there are any organizations in the Midwest which offer cord blood collection for donation. (At this point, I was just getting excited about having such a personal reason to call a politician’s office. The last time I called, it was to find out where I could buy a parking permit!)

Sherry, the very nice assistant, returned my call in less than an hour. She told me of two organizations, one called Bear Necessities Pediatric Cancer Foundation (based in Chicago, and sending the cord blood to St. Louis), and ITXM (The Institute for Transfusion Medicine, with bases in Pittsburgh and Chicago).

ITXM actually takes all of your information in about the 6th month of pregnancy. There are some health forms (maternal and family medical histories, consent forms, etc) and a simple blood test (in the last 6 weeks of pregnancy) for those who meet the criteria (not HIV+/AIDS, not an insulin-dependent diabetic, etc). In the last month of pregnancy, they send you the kit which you take to the hospital. The doctor (or tech, or nurse) collects the blood from the cord minutes after birth, and the hospital returns the kit for donation. Once screened and typed, the blood goes into a national registry, and people from all over the world have the opportunity to access this registry for potential life-saving transfusions.

I strongly urge all pregnant women who are reading this blog – ask your doctor about cord blood donation. It’s a unique opportunity to give the chance of recovery to someone suffering- and a way to start your child off in a tzedakah-oriented life, truly giving of oneself. For more information about umbilical cord blood donation, check out the following links:

NMDP (National Marrow Donation Program): A wealth of information on cord blood donation including articles about research, medical treatment, FAQ, donation eligibility and organization information.

Illinois Public Act 093-0143: The first, but certainly not last, of its kind mandating that hospitals provide pregnant patients the opportunity to donate umbilical cord blood.

ITXM (Institute for Transfusion Medicine): Donation locations for general blood donation and contact information for umbilical cord blood donation in the Midwest, specifically the greater Pittsburgh and Chicago areas.

Bear Necessities Pediatric Cancer Foundation: A Chicago-based organization which collects and sends cord blood to St. Louis. The website has limited information, but does provide email and phone contact information.

NCBP (National Cord Blood Program): Another site with a wealth of information on cord blood donation including articles and message board forums. Specifically serving five sites in New York City, Washington D.C. and Cleveland, Ohio.